


Trinidad & Tobago

by skylark3



Category: Holby City
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Cryptic Squad, F/M, Hexanna, Holiday, M/M, Roxvid, johnrik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2020-06-03 23:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19474003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylark3/pseuds/skylark3
Summary: THIS FIC IS NOW COMPLETE!Trinidad and Tobago, circa 1994.Unbeknown to Roxanna, her well meaning husband David invites their old uni friends Henrik & John to their Caribbean home for the week.  It's been years since the 'squad' have all been together and a lot has happened since Rigden.  But some things, emotions in particular, are impossible to forget and the squad find themselves tangled in a mess of complicated and complex feelings.





	1. Monday

**Trinidad & Tobago, circa 1994.**

Roxanna dragged herself up the steps and across the veranda to the front door of the colonial style house that she and David were currently calling home. It had been a long and busy shift at the hospital and she was exhausted. It was still hot, even at this time of night and she could feel her sleeveless blouse clinging to her back, sweat trickling down her neck. All she wanted to do was to take a shower and go to bed.

Shutting the front door behind her, she threw her bag on the floor and yelled out, “David, I'm home." She paused for a moment to glance through the post on the hall table.

"You're back," David said coming through to greet his wife. "I missed you baby," he said, his arms easily slipping around her small waist as he nuzzled into her neck. "You're late," he murmured as his lips traced the contours of her neck.

She pulled back from him, "ugh don't, I need a shower. Why is it still so damn hot? I thought it was meant to be getting cooler now?"

"It’s beautiful," he said, laughing at her intolerance of the heat that he lapped up. "Anyway you can't go anywhere yet, I have a surprise for you, come on..."

"Let me get changed first," she sighed, her bottom lip jutting out. "Honestly, I'm exhausted. I just want to....."

"Come on baby, this is good, trust me, you are going to want to see this," he said excitedly dragging her towards the kitchen.

"Go on then," she agreed, a smile spreading across her face, David's enthusiasm and passion for life as infectious as always.

He stopped outside the kitchen door. "Wait. Now, close your eyes. In fact....," he moved behind her and cupped his hands over her eyes. "Now, go on, open the door."

Roxanna shuffled forward, hands out in front of her as she felt the weight of the door and pushed it open, David guiding her forward into the room. "What is it? Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Okay, after three...1...2...3...SURPRISE!"

Roxanna blinked, her eyes adjusting to the light again. Taken aback at what was in front of her she gasped as her hand covered her mouth. "I don't believe this! What are you two doing here?" She blurted out.

Within seconds John's arms were around her and she hugged him back. "Look at you, your hair, you cut it short," she gasped, her hand caressing his close shaved head.

"Well, you know. Top surgeon these days. You don't look too shabby yourself," he said stepping back and taking a look at her, "the sun-kissed look suits you."

Roxanna chuckled, embarrassed at the compliment. She felt her cheeks start to burn up, her heart pounded in her chest as she looked over to the other figure in the room. He was hovering in the background as usual. Henrik, looking pale and uneasy. Thirty degrees heat, and here he was in a dark two piece suit, tie still done up, but still as handsome as always.

The last time the two of them had spoken, properly spoken, had been the night before her wedding. The night she had gone to his hotel room to declare her love for him. The night they had slept together for the first and the last time. Then afterwards he had told her to leave, to go and marry David and forget all about him. She had married David but the other, well....

"Henrik," she reached up to greet him as he lent in and offered her both his cheeks. "Roxanna"

As his smooth cheeks brushed against her own she shuddered at the sensation. That familiar feeling of butterflies swimming in her stomach. His scent, cedar wood, still the same but this time fresher; he had stopped smoking.

As he let her go, she felt David take her hand. "I can’t believe this!" she gasped, a strained smile forming on her face.

"Grrh," David pulled them all in for a group hug, John joining in, Roxanna squashed in the middle and Henrik awkwardly towering above them.

"The squad back together again," David bellowed, "this is going to be great!"

Roxanna nodded. With her face squashed against her husband's chest but her senses full of cedar wood, she wasn't so sure.

****

An hour later the four of them were sat out on the cane furniture on the veranda, a bottle of rum and a bottle of whiskey on the small table in front of them. 

“Top up anyone?” David asked as he picked up the rum. 

“Yeah go on then, why not?” John replied as he sat up from his laid out position on the sofa and held out his tumbler so David could fill it up.

“Henrik?” David said offering the bottle.

“No, thank you,” Henrik said as he covered the top of his glass. He was sat in an armchair opposite. 

“One more, surely?” John insisted. 

“No, really I’m fine.”

“You used to drink like a fish at uni Henrik. What’s changed?” David asked.

“Nothing. I’ve just had enough for tonight. Thank you anyway.” He was getting irritated. David and John had already mocked him for his choice of clothing and arranged for Roxanna to take him shopping tomorrow. Both his own and Roxanna’s protests about this had fallen on deaf ears. The last thing he wanted to do was to be left alone with Roxanna and he could tell that she felt the same.

When David had invited him for the week he had instantly declined, citing difficulties with getting time off work. Then John had contacted him and used his unique powers of persuasion;

_If you don’t go then David will wonder why. If you don’t go then I’ll be left feeling like a gooseberry. So you don’t want to go because you don’t want to spend time with me, is that it? Am I still not good enough for you Henrik? Will I ever be good enough for you? She doesn’t want you, you know. Get over it Henrik._

In the end the hassle he would get from John for not going was worse than actually going, so he gave in. Just like he always gave in when John was involved. 

All Henrik had ever felt was guilt for as far back as he could remember. Guilt over his mother, guilt over his relationship with his father, guilt over Maja and Fredrik; guilt for the way he had treated Roxanna, guilt for betraying David; guilt for not being able to be what John wanted him to be. Guilt for continuing to breathe air. It never went away. It was gnawing away in his stomach now as he watched Roxanna and David together. 

“Rox? You want another?”

“No, I’m fine too.” She said from her seated position on the arm of the chair on which David was seated. 

“Just me and you then John, me old mate.” David topped up his own glass then held it up and chinked it against John’s glass.

“Looks like it,” John agreed as he settled himself back down on the sofa making himself comfortable. “So, is this your house then?” John asked as he looked up and admired the picture perfect wooden two-storey property with it’s sea blue painted exterior and bright white shutters.

“Yeah, I suppose.” David replied as he lent back into his chair and into Roxanna’s arm that was slung around his shoulders. “The parent’s gave it to us as a wedding present, didn’t they?”

Roxanna nodded, “hmm.”

“It’s been in the family for years. Mum and dad have bought a bigger house nearer the coast, so it was surplus to requirement I guess.”

“Ah yes, how is the Professor and your mother?” Henrik enquired.

“Good thanks Henrik. Dad’s still at Oxford. Can’t see him ever retiring from that.”

“Anthropology isn’t it?” John asked.

“Yes, that’s right. He’s got a stint at the University of Western Australia for six months so they will be going there later in the year.”

“Great, and your mother? Is she still a GP?”

“She is but not for much longer. Retiring soon. Wants to devote more time to the church and travel with dad. I think she’s also got her heart set on coming out here for part of the year to look after the grandchildren she’s desperate for.”

“Oh?” John questioned, arching his eyebrows and looking at Roxanna.

“Hmm, but Roxanna’s not too willing to oblige are you?” David said turning to look at his wife.

Roxanna frowned. She didn’t really want to talk about this in front of Henrik and John. “No, I’m not,” she said curtly, then rather too soon followed up with an accusing, “you don’t want to either, so don’t make this out to be all down to me!”

“Alright, Rox. Relax.” David said turning and rubbing her leg through her thin cotton skirt. “I didn’t mean it like that. Whoops,” he said turning back to John and Henrik and rolling his eyes, “In the dog house again!”

John gave a small laugh, Henrik responded with an awkward smile and looked over at an uncomfortable looking Roxanna. A heavy silence hung in the air now as the four sat quietly listening to the night sounds of the tropical island.

“What’s that noise?” John asked.

“It’s the crickets,” Roxanna said. 

“Oh yeah.”

Henrik shifted in his seat, “I think I’m going to turn in for the night,” he said placing his glass on the table and standing up.

“Okay,” Roxanna said standing as well. “I’m going to bed too, so I’ll show you up,”

“Thanks.”

“Tomorrow morning Henrik, you up for a tour of the hospital?”

“Yes, certainly David. It sounds most interesting,” he responded keenly. It was the only part of the trip he was genuinely looking forward to. 

By his mid-twenties David was already a force to be reckoned with in the medical world. He was a high flyer, naturally gifted and with an easy-going, likeable personality to match. He had been instrumental in revolutionising the cardio-thoracic unit at the Port of Spain General Hospital within a matter of two years, bringing in the latest technology which would rival most major hospitals across the world. Henrik was keen to see the changes he had made and to learn from it. 

David had a social conscience too. Providing affordable access to decent healthcare for the masses was his driver. His charity work had raised thousands already, not just for Trinidad and Tobago but for other hospitals across the West Indies. It helped that his family were well connected and had money behind them, similar to Henrik in that respect, but with David’s family there were no skeletons in the closet; just wholesome, God-fearing people with a genuine desire to do good. Henrik admired David a lot, which made what he had done with Roxanna even worse. 

“Good, so I usually head in around eight if that’s okay with you? Rox, you’re off tomorrow aren’t you?”

“Hmm.”

“Eight is fine David. I’ll be ready,” Henrik said as he walked over to the door. 

“You coming to bed?” Roxanna asked looking down at David and resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Well, what do you think John?” he said picking up the bottle of rum. “There’s only two glasses left in this bottle. Wanna finish it with me?”

“Dave, you twisted my arm.” John laughed.

“I’ll be up in a bit baby,” David said as he turned to Roxanna and took hold of her hand and lifted it to his lips and kissed it. 

“Okay, well make sure you lock up,” she said as she bent down to kiss him on the top of his head. She was feeling bad about their little spat earlier and wanted desperately for things to go back to normal. She hated it when they argued, “…and don’t think about opening another bottle, or else you will never get up in the morning!” she warned, leaning over and hugging David across his chest, “I know what it’s like when you two get together.”

“Don’t worry Rox, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get carried away.” John offered. 

“Hmm, okay John,” Roxanna scoffed. “That’s reassuring.”

John chuckled and shook his head at her. 

“Come on Henrik, this way….” 

“Night all,” Henrik said as he followed her back into the house. 

****

Upstairs Roxanna showed Henrik to his room. “I hope it’s okay for you?” she said as she moved a pile of clean clothes from the bed. “Sorry. I would have tidied up if I’d have known you were coming.”

“Its fine, thank you. It’s a beautiful home.” He said as he settled his suitcase down.

“It is,” Roxanna agreed. “We are very lucky.”

“John was right, you do look well. Island life obviously suits you.”

Roxanna let out a little nervous laugh, and nodded. “Well, it’s good for now,” she said lowering her gaze. She could feel his dark eyes on her, his scent filling the room.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. Goodnight Henrik.”

“Goodnight Roxanna.”

****

“Rox, are you awake?” David whispered as he crept across the room to his side of the bed and pulled his clothes off.

“I am now,” Roxanna replied from her side of the bed. She hadn’t been asleep. She couldn’t sleep; memories of the past flitting through her head.

She felt David climb into the bed, his naked, hard muscular body spooning up against her bare back and he kissed her shoulder.

“You happy?” He asked, nuzzling into her neck.

“Yes. I’m good.”

“I’m sorry about earlier, about the kid thing.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too,” she said as she turned around to face him, her hand resting on his hip. “I just don’t think John and Henrik want to know all the details of our life. I don’t want them to know either.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He sought out her lips and kissed her and she kissed him back.

“John is on good form isn’t he?”

“He is, I thought that too. He seems to be in a good place at the moment. Work must be going well for him.”

“He said it is. Henrik’s still the same though isn’t he? Still so hard to get a smile out of him.”

“Oh leave him,” Roxanna sighed. “He’s…. well, he’s complicated. You know he is. Give him a chance to settle in. And go easy on him. All that about his clothes was a bit much. Don’t gang up on him with John. Henrik is Henrik. He is what he is.”

David rested his head against hers, “You always see the best in everyone don’t you.” He held her close and she could hear his breathing becoming steadier. “I need to sleep Rox.” He kissed her again and turned over. Within seconds she could hear him snoring. 

“Night David.” She lay there for a while, before turning over again. Her throat felt dry from the whiskey so she reached for her glass of water on the bedside table, sighing when she tasted just the dregs in the bottom of the glass.

****

“John? Is that you?” Roxanna whispered as she saw a shadowy figure in the dark. She was on the landing in her dressing gown with her glass in hand.

John swivelled on his feet towards the voice. He was just in his boxers. “Rox? I just used the bathroom. You okay?” He padded over to her.

“Yes, I’m just getting some water,” she said holding her glass up. “It’s so good to have you here,” she said as she pulled him towards her for a hug.

“It's good to be here,” he said hugging her back. 

She pulled back, “good night then. I hope you sleep okay.”

“Yeah, you too.”

She headed into the bathroom to fill her glass then returned again to find him still hovering on the landing.

“John? That’s Henrik’s room,” she said watching him, apparently confused with his surroundings.

“Your room is over there,” she said pointing across the landing to his designated room.

“Oh yeah,” he stuttered. “It must be all that rum,” he nervously laughed as he headed over to his own room. “Night Rox.”

“Night John.” She watched him close his bedroom door before returning to her own bed. She lay listening to David snore and the hum of the fan spinning around above her head. After a while she thought she could here movement on the landing again and then a door slamming but by that time she was too tired to get up and check it out so she finally accepted the lull of sleep. 

****

“John?” Henrik growled from the bed. The sensation of fingers stroking his back though his pyjama top had woken him and he opened one eye. 

“I can’t believe you are wearing pyjamas,” John whispered from his seated position on the edge of the bed. Henrik rolled over onto his back so he could look at John. “It’s boiling Henrik, take them off.” He lent forward and started to unbutton Henrik’s pyjama shirt but his gesture was rebuked as Henrik took hold of John’s hand and moved it away from him.

“Not tonight John. Not here,” in the dim light he saw John’s shoulders slump and his head drop to his chest, obviously dissatisfied that his advances had been rejected.

“Is this because of her?” John asked, a harshness to his tone.

Henrik sat himself up and lent against the bedhead. “No. It’s because of me. Its late and I’m tired.” He watched as John’s finger nails dug into his naked thighs. Henrik had no doubt that John’s intention was to cause pain.

“You’re ashamed of this. Of us. Of me.”

Henrik sighed, he knew this was the response he would get. It was always the same with John. He was so used to being rejected that it was his automatic default reaction.

Henrik reached over and took John’s hand. “I’m not. I’m really not. I just don’t feel comfortable here. You know I like to keep things separate.”

“Hmm,” came a disgruntled sound.

“Come on John, don’t be like this. It’s too late and too hot to argue.”

John pulled his hand back, and stood. “It’s all right Henrik. I know when I’m not wanted.” He padded over to the door and left, slamming it behind him.

Henrik fell back on to his pillow and sighed, his arm coming up against his forehead as he wiped away a layer of perspiration. He knew it was a mistake to come here. He knew that the moment he saw Roxanna it would stir up old feelings and it had. 

Then there was John. Whatever that was? It was moving too fast for him. He wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t sure he could handle the baggage that came with it; the shame, the scandal. But then he couldn’t resist it either. He couldn’t resist John’s body, John’s childlike need for him. To be wanted, to be needed, that was an aphrodisiac in itself.

John was as damaged and as scarred as he was. But Roxanna, she was pure. She was too good to be contaminated by him. He just hoped that the damage had not already been done. 


	2. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad wake up to a fresh new day on the island. Some are brighter than others though.

It was still early but Roxanna lay awake listening to the morning song of the birds outside.  
  
_John was right, you do look well._  
  
Henrik’s words swam around in her head as she dissected them in minute detail for any underlying meaning. Just a friendly gesture? Something to say to fill the space during an awkward moment or was there more too it? Did he still have feelings for her? Was she occupying his mind as much as he was occupying hers? It was pathetic, she knew that but it didn’t stop her from churning it over. It wasn’t like she had thought of him none stop since the night before her wedding; she loved David, she was happy with him most of the time but Henrik was always there in the back of her mind, flaring up every now and then when things in real life become tough. The what ifs playing out like a soap opera in her head; it was a fantasy world she retreated into sometimes and with it came a familiar ache of wanting something she could never have. An ache born out of desire but also humiliation and resentment. It was a form of self-torture that she deliberately put herself through. She turned it on when she wanted to torment herself or when she and David were arguing.   
  
She had thrown herself at Henrik that night, she had been willing to disrupt her whole world for him but he had turned her down. Cheap sex on the floor then he had broken her heart, giving some lame excuse about not being good enough for her and she had lied and told him it was okay. But it wasn’t okay to abandon her like that and leave her with this ache. Now he was back in her life again telling her she, “ _looked well”_.   
  
And then there was David who knew nothing of her betrayal, or so she thought. Sweet David who loved her so much she could cry when she thought about it. He didn’t deserve this. Why, when she had David and a life in paradise did she spend her time aching for something else? She could hardly look him in the eye some days when they spoke of Henrik. Then again, if the opportunity arose with Henrik she knew there was a possibility she would do it all again. She was a detestable person who didn’t deserve what she had and she hated herself for it.   
  
David stirred next to her. She let out a deep sigh and quickly wiped away a solitary tear from her cheek. David’s strong arms enveloped her as he pulled her close, a familiar part of his body hard and brushing against her.   
  
“Morning Rox,” he whispered in her ear.  
  
“Morning,” she replied, hardly audible.   
  
She felt his lips on her neck as he moved in closer to her. “You taste so good…..”  
  
“Not this morning, David,” she sighed.  
  
He continued to nibble her neck. “Oh come on baby, you usually like this in a morning. You’re so good at it too…” he teased.  
  
She shrugged away from him and towards the edge of the bed, still not ready to look at him. “No, I mean it David. I’m just not into it this morning.”  
  
He let her go and rolled on to his back. Looking up to the ceiling.  
  
“Is something bothering you Rox?”  
  
“I just didn’t sleep well. Work stuff playing on my mind.” It was partly true.  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t ask you how your day was yesterday.” He said, rolling on to his side to look at her. He touched her arm to encourage her to look at him. “Did something happen?”  
  
She turned to face him, “Just Mr Thomas, he really doesn’t like me.”  
  
“Don? He just likes the sound of his own voice. I wouldn't worry about it. You want me to speak with him? I used to play with his kids when I was younger, used to mess about in his swimming pool.”  
  
“No I can deal with it. It’s okay for you, you know these people. Your family are practically friends with everyone on the island. I don’t know them. They don’t know me.”  
  
“So let me talk to him then,”  
  
“No David! I can’t have you fighting my battles all the time. I am my own person. I can deal with this myself.”  
  
“Fine. I’m just trying to help.”   
  
She turned over, her back towards him. She really wasn't in the mood for any of this.  
  
David stared at her back. "Right. Is it your time of the month or something?"  
  
She seethed at that comment. "I can't believe you said that!" she hissed as she flung the sheet back and threw on her dressing gown before stomping out of the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.  
  
David, lay there and rubbed his hands over his face. It was a cheap remark he shouldn't have made. Great start to the day...  
  
****

  
“Morning Roxanna,” Henrik said cheerfully as he came into the kitchen.  
  
“Morning Henrik. Did you sleep okay?” She glanced over her shoulder at him from where she was stood at the kitchen counter making coffee. He took in the image in front of him. She was bare foot and wearing blue shorts and a white t-shirt. His eyes took in her long tanned legs and lingered on her pert buttocks for a few moments. _Henrik!_ He averted his gaze and looked over to the lush garden beyond the open doors.  
  
“I did thank you. Lovely morning isn’t it.” He moved across the room and hovered near the table.  
  
“Coffee?”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“There’s cereal, toast, croissants, fruit, yoghurt….” She said gesturing to the table laden with food.  
  
“Thank you. This looks wonderful.”  
  
“It’s not always like this. David must have been shopping because we have guests.”  
  
“Where is David?”  
  
“He’s gone for a run, he’ll be back soon.” Of course he'd gone for a run. Both David and John's athletic build made Henrik feel inadequate and self-conscious about his own skinny body.   
  
"Do you run?" She looked thinner than he had remembered.  
  
Roxanna laughed at the absurdity of the comment. "No chance! You?"   
  
"No." He shook his head. "John does....I think." Slight panic in his voice that divulging any knowledge of John’s day to day routines might give away more than he was willing to share.   
  
"Sit down Henrik." She said coming over and handing him a mug of steaming coffee and seating herself down. She started to help herself to fruit and yoghurt and Henrik took her lead by taking some cereal. They ate in silence. She glanced up at him every now and then, only to find that he was looking at her too, shy smiles brushing it off as if it didn't mean anything. Eventually David bounded through the door looking hot and sweaty.   
  
"Morning Henrik." He said helping himself to a glass of orange juice.   
  
"Morning. Good run?" He asked taking in David's huge biceps.   
  
"Hmm. Very good. Nothing like it to set you up for the day." He was still slightly breathless. He grabbed a croissant and kissed Roxanna on the top of the head before demolishing the pastry in two bites.   
  
"Where's John?" David asked.   
  
"Still in bed?" Roxanna suggested.   
  
"Is he coming to the hospital?”  
  
"I believe so."   
  
"Go and wake him Henrik." David directed.   
  
"Me?" Henrik looked up from his cereal. He wasn't looking forward to facing John after last night. "Oh right, yes. Okay."   
  
When he had gone. David wrapped his arms around Roxanna's shoulders. "I was a jerk earlier. I'm sorry."   
  
"Yes you were but I was grumpy too."   
  
"I'll make it up to you. I'm over excited cos the guys are here. Reign me in will you, if I overdo it?"   
  
Roxanna nodded and grabbed his hand. She was used to reigning in his exuberance. "Go and take a shower. You stink."  
  
****  
  
Henrik stood over the bed watching John as he slept. He was naked and on his front, sprawled out in the centre of the bed with the sheet tangled round his body. Henrik wasn't surprised; having shared a bed with John before he was aware that John fought in his sleep.   
Henrik was tempted to touch him but he didn't. He still wasn't sure how he felt about this 'thing' that was going on between them. He also didn't know what reception he would receive after last night's spat.   
  
He waited a while to see if John would wake but he was deep in sleep so Henrik took the plunge.   
  
"John. Wake up.....John!" His voice was loud in the quiet room.   
  
"Mmm," came the muffled sound from the bed, John's face buried in the pillow.  
  
"Wake up. If you want to go to the hospital you need to wake up."  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"After seven. David is leaving at eight."   
  
Reluctantly John got up and sat on the edge of the bed before attempting to stand, still coming to. Henrik watched him, he didn’t look too bright. Too much alcohol last night Henrik guessed.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"What do you care anyway?" Came a curt response from a groggy looking John.   
  
"Do you want some water?" Henrik asked moving towards John and picking up the empty glass from the table. John reached out and grabbed the glass from Henrik.  
  
"Leave it. I'll sort it myself."   
  
Henrik tugged the glass back. "It’s only a glass of water...I'll get it for you," he insisted. John let the glass go, his head ached too much to argue.   
  
Henrik returned moments later with a full glass. "Here, drink this. You'll feel better. Then I suggest you shower. David will be waiting."   
  
"David's fine. He's laid back Henrik. Unlike you. Anyway he's probably fawning over Roxanna." John got up now and stood square on to Henrik and looked him in the eye. "Or is that your job?" He said accusingly.   
  
Henrik looked away, he couldn't take John's eyes boring into him.  
  
"You are talking absolute nonsense John." He felt his cheeks burning up. Was he that obvious?  
  
John stepped closer to him, so close that Henrik could feel his breathe on his cheek.

  
"Prove it then Henrik. Kiss me. Kiss me and prove you are not thinking about her."   
  
Henrik shook his head in annoyance, looking down at John out the corner of his eye. "This is ridiculous," he said but he didn't move away. "Roxanna is a friend and that is all there is...."  
  
"You can't do it can you?" John snorted. "You can't let her go. Get it into that clever brain of yours that she is not..." before John could continue Henrik's lips were upon his own, Henrik's giant hands clasped around his cheeks. It didn't last, the kiss was over as quick as it had begun. Henrik stepped back.   
  
"Now get dressed. David is waiting." With that he was gone.   
  
A smug smirk crept across John's face. "Well," he murmured to himself.   
  
****  
  
After an interesting morning at the hospital Henrik and John met up with Roxanna in town to let Henrik purchase some clothes. He was relieved it wasn't just himself and Roxanna but having said that it was difficult to stop John from giving him the eye all the time. "How about these?" John held up a pair of shorts on a coat hanger as Roxanna looked on. She had politely shown them the best shops but on the whole had been rather quiet, to the point where Henrik wondered if she'd wished they had never arrived at her home.   
  
"No." Henrik said. "They're too short."   
  
"They're shorts Henrik. They’re meant to be like that."   
  
"They're practically hot pants. These will do." He pulled some khaki, knee length cargo shorts out from the rack.   
  
"You're kidding right? You're not in your fifties."  
  
"They're fine. Now..." he turned to a rack of linen shirts and polo t-shirts and selected a few of each in muted colours. "Are these to your satisfaction?" He said glaring at John then looking over to Roxanna, a wry smile growing on his lips. She stifled a laugh with her hand, her eyes smiling at them.   
  
"They'll do," John grumbled, knowing the pair of them were laughing at his expense.  
  
Roxanna ran her fingers across a rail of swimming shorts. "Did you bring anything for the beach?"   
  
"No...," Henrik said coming over and inspecting what was available.   
  
"It might be worth getting something, just in case we go to the beach. I know David is keen to show you round the island."   
  
He selected a pair of navy swim shorts. "These will be fine." He went off to pay whilst the other two browsed.   
  
Outside they found Roxanna's electric blue soft top Jeep Wrangler.   
  
"Get in the back John," Henrik directed. John rolled his eyes but knew it was coming. Henrik threw the shopping bags on the seat next to John and folded his legs into the passenger seat next to Roxanna. As she pulled out in to the street she leant over to turn the CD player on and Sandy Denny’s _I’m A Dreamer_ filled the car.   
  
John rolled his eyes again, “You’re not still listening to this are you?”

“Yes, I like it,” Roxanna protested. She glanced over at Henrik who was tapping his hand on his knee in time with the music. Roxanna smiled and as she caught Henrik’s eye he smiled back at her. It was an unspoken moment but they understood each other.

When the song had finished she reached over and flicked the CD on a few tracks until Wham’s _Wake Me up Before You Go-Go_ started to play. “This is more up your street isn’t it John?” Roxanna shouted over her shoulder chuckling to herself. Henrik joined in laughing with her. 

John curled up his lip before leaning over into the front of the vehicle and turning the music up, “Yeah, this is more like it!” He shouted before leaning in and kissing Roxanna on the cheek. She continued to laugh knowing he would appreciate her gesture. 

“Sit down John and put your seat belt on!” Henrik shouted, pushing John back into the rear seats. 

John relaxed into his seat and spread his arms out along the top of the back seats, smiling triumphantly, “It’s the Caribbean Henrik, no one gives a fuck about seat belts!”

“Put your seat belt on John!” Roxanna and Henrik shouted back at him in unison. 

John scowled at the pair of them, like a sulking teenager being told off by his parents but he reluctantly did as he was told. When the chorus came on he started to sing animatedly, _“wake, me up, before you go-go, don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo……”_ Roxanna laughed and laughed at him before joining in. Henrik smiled to himself, shaking his head at the pair of them and after a while gave in to his inhibitions and joined in too and the three of them sang their hearts out all the way home. 


	3. Tuesday Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad are heading out for dinner. David and Roxanna discuss John. Henrik is struggling with his feelings.

Roxanna glanced up from the vanity mirror as the bedroom door opened. David waltzed though, naked apart from a towel wrapped around his waist, his muscular chest glistening with water droplets from the shower. She returned her gaze to the mirror and continued to apply mascara. It was a new tube she had purchased earlier today along with a few other items before she had met up with Henrik and John; her old one was dried up and cloggy though she had continued to use it well past its best before date. She felt David’s wet lips on her neck.

“You look nice,” he murmured, looking at her reflection in the mirror. “You don’t usually wear that much make-up, we’re only going to Lennie’s.”

Roxanna stopped in her tracks and eyed him through the mirror, the mascara wand still in her right hand. “Is it too much? Do I look like a clown?”

“No, not at all. It suits you. Is that a new dress as well?”

It was a new dress. “Err…no. I’ve had this a while,” she responded innocently, glancing down at the knee-length blue dress, the skinny straps exposing her shapely shoulders and neck.

“Well you look hot,” he said, continuing to kiss her neck. “If only I had you all to myself…,” his hands moving around to cup her breasts, his thumbs brushing over her nipples through the thin material.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Well you invited them……,” she teased as she started to apply lipstick. 

He stopped kissing her neck and rested his chin on her bare shoulder, his hands dropped from her breasts. He looked at her again through the mirror with his best puppy dog eyes. “Did I make a mistake? I thought it would be fun.”

Roxanna looked back at her husband and felt a stab of guilt. She turned around to face him and took hold of his hands and looked up at him, “it is fun. It was good of you to arrange it.”

He looked down at her. “You sure?”

“Yep,” she nodded. “It was certainly fun this afternoon. You should have seen John singing along to _Wham!_ in the car. That was a sight to behold,” she stood up and pressed a kiss to David’s lips before heading over to the wardrobe. 

David followed her, “John? Singing _Wham!?_ Are we talking about the same John _“I don’t do fun”_ Gaskell here?”

Roxanna sifted through the rail of David’s shirts before selecting one for him and turned to hand it to him, “yeah. He didn’t need any encouragement.” David removed his towel and handed it to his wife and put the shirt on. Roxanna chucked the towel on the bed and sat down watching as David pulled on his boxers and trousers. 

“What’s got into him?” David asked checking out his hair in the mirror. “I’m genuinely surprised with how he’s been. Makes me wonder if there is a woman on the scene back in London.”

Roxanna screwed her face up. “I don’t think that would be John’s preference,” she scoffed.

David turned to look at her, “for real?”

Roxanna rolled her eyes, “Its _Wham!_ David…?”

It was now David’s turn to screw up his face, “that doesn’t mean anything! Really, is John gay?”

Roxanna shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know. I just always got that impression from him. He’s never said anything….to me anyway. Why? Would it bother you if he was?”

“No! Course it wouldn’t! You know that. I’m just wondering why I’ve never picked up on it before.” There was amusement in his tone now, “I mean, he’s never hit on me before and I’m irresistible aren’t I?” he jested raising both arms up beside his head and flexing his muscles, a white toothy smile glinting across his face.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Roxanna cringed grabbing the wet towel from the bed before heading over to her husband and whipping it across his backside.

“Ouch!” he jumped.

“Come on, we’re going to be late.” She opened the bedroom door but before she left the room she pulled it to again, “and don’t say anything to him,” she whispered to David who was close behind her, “it’s none of our business what he does or who he does it with. It’s just nice that he seems happy.”

David pulled an imaginary zip across his lips, “My lips are sealed. Hey do you think Henrik knows?”

Roxanna was starting to wish she hadn’t mentioned it now and let out a heavy sigh, “I don’t know David,” she snapped. “Just shut up and come on,” she dragged him out of the door by his arm.

****

Henrik and John had been ready to go to the restaurant for a while and were sat side by side on a pair of ocean blue Adirondack chairs on the veranda waiting for their hosts. John had poured them both a whiskey and soda.

“How long does it take to have a shower?” John complained, draining his glass.

“Relax John,” Henrik said taking a sip of his drink. 

“I’m starving though,”

Henrik smiled to himself, “just enjoy the moment.”

“Hey?” John said turning to look at his companion.

“It really is beautiful here,” Henrik went on, looking out to the view in front of them.

“Yeah, yeah I suppose it is,” John agreed turning to look to look at the view. “You look good by the way.” Henrik had changed into some of the clothes he had bought that afternoon, a white linen shirt and navy blue chinos with a pair of navy deck shoes with brown detailing.

“Hmm?” Henrik said looking over at John.

“The new clothes. You look good,” John brushed his pinkie finger against the side of Henrik’s hand which was resting on the arm of the chair next to John’s. Henrik took in an intake of breathe as something stirred inside him.

“I was thinking, later…maybe we…….,” Irritatingly for him, John was interrupted midsentence.

“Ready guys?” David swept out onto the veranda, quickly followed by Roxanna.

Faster than lightening Henrik stood up, “yes we’re ready,” he smiled placing his glass down on the table, his eyes dancing over Roxanna.

**** 

Roxanna drove them to the restaurant, David next to her and John and Henrik squeezed into the backseats. She drove them further towards the coast until they pulled into a small marina complex dotted with sailing boats and yachts of various sizes. The Jeep drove further down a hill until it stopped outside a small seafood restaurant. It was dark by the time they arrived and the seating area on the outside deck was lit up by twinkling fairy lights. _Lennie’s Grill_ was lit up in neon letters above the entrance. David led the way in. 

As soon as they stepped through the entrance they were met by a tall, solid man. “David,” he boomed as he greeted David with a firm handshake, his other hand resting on David’s shoulder. “You are very welcome and Roxanna,” he said turning to Roxanna and engulfing her in a hug.

Roxanna reached up and hugged him back, “thank you Lennie.”

David gestured to Henrik and John who were hanging back, awkwardly. “Lennie, meet our friends John and Henrik.”

Lennie beamed at them and extended his hands and both reciprocated the greeting. “Any friends of David’s are friends of mine. You are both very welcome to my restaurant,” his arm outstretched, welcoming them further inside. “Come. Follow me, I have the best table for you.” The four of them did as they were told and followed Lennie over to a table at the front of the restaurant overlooking the marina. “Please take a seat,” he said firstly pulling out a chair for Roxanna and then for the others. 

“My favourite table Lennie,” Roxanna beamed, “You remembered.”

“Of course. Only the best for my friends.” Lennie was stood behind David and he placed his hands on his shoulders. “This man, you know he saved my life. There is nothing I would not do for this man.”

David laughed, and reached up to cover one of Lennie’s hands with his own, “oh come on. I keep telling you it was nothing!”

“Nothing! Pah! I would be dead without this man, let me tell you.”

“I fitted a stent, that's all,” David explained to his guests.

“He is the cleverest man I know,” Lennie went on.

David continued to chuckle and shook his head. “Tonight Lennie I’m going to be blown out of the water by our esteemed guests. Both Henrik and John are surgeons, in London might I add. Henrik is on the verge of becoming one of the youngest ever consultants and John here is a neurosurgeon like Roxanna.”

Lennie shook his head in agreement, “well, you are all very welcome. I am proud to have you as my guests. Anything you want, you just ask okay.” Lennie passed around the menus. 

David patted his hand. “Thank you, man. You still on for tomorrow?”

“Yes, no problem, no problem.”

“How is your mother Lennie?” Roxanna enquired. 

“Oh she’s good you know. She’s here tonight. In the kitchen. Maybe later she will come out and say hello.”

“Yes, it would be lovely to see her again, please do ask her to.”

Lennie agreed he would. Seeing new customers arrive he bid them a farewell and said he would send someone over to take their orders. First though he would send over a tray of drinks, on-the-house of course. 

Roxanna continued to smile as they all watched him walk away. 

“Seems like an interesting person,” Henrik commented.

“Thinks you’re God’s gift David,” John remarked.

“Lennie catches all his own ingredients on his fishing boat every morning. It’s fabulous isn’t it David.”

David agreed, “Yeah. He’s one of the good one’s old Lennie. Astute businessman too. You wouldn’t know it but he turns over three quarters of a million a year.”

“What, from this place?” John asked looking around.

“Not just this place. He’s got a string of tourist hotels down the south of the island.”

“And he’s got his mother working in the kitchen? I won’t feel bad about drinking his free drinks then,” John said downing the glass of champagne that had been placed in front of each of them. “You want that?” he asked Roxanna. She shook her head and passed her glass over to him.

“It’s not like that John. It’s his mother’s restaurant, he’s just the face of it. She’s been cooking in that kitchen for nearly fifty years. Lennie couldn’t get her out if he tried.”

“Lennie’s going to take us out on his boat tomorrow if you are up for it?” Roxanna asked.

“What his fishing boat?” John asked turning up his nose.

“No, he’s got a yacht as well.”

“On the sea?” Henrik asked.

David looked at him nonplussed, “yeah.”

“Oh…” Roxanna pulled something from the back of her mind about Henrik and water. “If you don’t fancy it, we can do something else, can’t we David?” She said glaring at her husband.

“What? Oh ….well…”

“No,” Henrik jumped in. “It’s fine. It sounds like a wonderful day.”

John looked over at Henrik, concerned for his friend. “Henrik if you don’t want to its okay. There’s other stuff to do isn’t there Dave?”

David wasn’t quite sure what the issue was but he wasn’t going to argue the point. “Yes plenty. Hit the golf course if you want.”

Henrik raised his voice a little fearing he was not being listened to, “No really. It’s fine. I want to go. Thing is….” He now lowered his voice and looked down at the table, “I can’t actually swim,” It was almost a whisper. He realigned the cutlery set out in front of him.

“You can’t what….” Roxanna kicked David under the table causing him to shut up before he could finish the sentence. 

“Well that’s fine.” Roxanna jumped in. “You don’t have to go in the water. I don’t really like getting wet either.” She was a water baby, always the first to dive in off the side of the boat.

“Yeah. I’ll stay with you,” John offered.

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” He felt his cheeks burning up and as if the whole restaurant was watching him. “So, the food, what are we eating tonight? This menu looks exquisite.” 

*****

After a sumptuous meal of sea food, barbecued fish and fries washed down by copious amounts of alcohol, David took John down to the mooring to check out Lennie’s yacht and left Roxanna and Henrik chatting to Lennie’s mother Rose, a small plump woman with wiry glasses perched on the end of her nose. Henrik estimated she was probably around eighty years of age, not that you could tell from her flawless skin. For a small woman she had a booming voice but Henrik struggled to understand her thick dialect. Roxanna had no such problem and was happily chatting away to her so he made his excuses and headed for the gents. He had drunk an obscene amount of wine; he was sure John had kept topping his glass up when he wasn’t looking. He realised just how much when he stood up and started to sway. 

When he returned to the restaurant he saw that Roxanna was still chatting so he went further out onto the veranda and leant against the railings looking out on to the marina. He looked for David and John but the night was thick with darkness so instead he returned his gaze to their table. He watched Roxanna chatting away and laughing, throwing her head back in delight and taking hold of the older woman’s hand. Roxanna looked radiant; the reflection of the fairy lights danced in her eyes and thanks to the Trinidadian sun her skin was glowing. He watched as she licked her lips in anticipation of the outcome of the tale and again the glee on her face when the punchline was delivered. She was a woman now, not the shy girl he had met all those years ago. The older woman looked equally enthralled with Roxanna and stroked her face before standing up and placing kisses on each of Roxanna’s cheeks and bidding her farewell. Roxanna watched after her as she returned to the kitchen. When she turned back to the table she caught Henrik’s eyes upon her and held his gaze. Caught off guard Henrik glanced down at his feet, a coy smile on his face and he strolled back over to the table taking a seat opposite her. 

Roxanna smiled shyly, then glanced down at the table seemingly intent on studying the pattern on the table cloth. Henrik took a sip of his wine and looked out across the marina. 

Roxanna looked up again and followed his gaze, “So….how is…….” At exactly the same time Henrik asked, “How is your father?” They looked at each other and burst out laughing, the nervous atmosphere being absorbed by their laughter.

Recovering, Roxanna looked down at her coffee and wrapped her hands around the cup before looking up again at Henrik. “So, my father,” she began, amusement still lingering on her face. “He’s good thank you. Still in Reading, in the same house. Retired now.”

“More time to spend in his garden then,” Henrik added.

“Yes, he’s glad of that. You know how important his roses are to him,” she mocked.

Henrik chuckled and nodded his head. “Has he been to visit you here much?”

“Not as much as I would have liked,” she sighed, melancholy taking over now. “He’s not great at travelling alone, doesn’t like leaving the house unoccupied for long periods of time, you know what it’s like....so he’s only been a couple of times.” She looked away now, and it was almost as if her mind was travelling all those miles back to her father. “You know that’s one of the things about being here, I just don’t get to see Dad as much as I would like. I miss him. I worry about him, especially as he’s getting older but what can I do about that when I’m stuck here?” There was a touch of annoyance there now.

“London is not that far away from Reading you know. I could drop in on him every now and again if you think it would help?”

“Oh I couldn’t ask you to do that,”

“Why not? I wouldn’t mind, but only if you think your father wouldn’t mind either.”

Roxanna let out a little laugh, “actually he’d be delighted. He really rather likes you. Always asks after you.”

“Does he?” Henrik was genuinely taken aback. He’d only met the fellow on a couple of occasions; once in Rigden when he had visited for a week and then again at Roxanna’s wedding.

“Yes, I don’t know what you did but you made quite an impression on him. In fact he was asking me about you recently because he’d seen that article about you in the BMA magazine. He’s probably cut it out and saved it,” she joked.

“Oh that,” said Henrik disdainfully. It was an article focussing on the most talented young surgeons of the time, and Henrik had been featured, much to his utter annoyance. He had refused at first but pressure was being piled upon him from the hospital and eventually he’d given in and agreed. “I didn’t want to do it you know, the hospital thought it would be good publicity……”

“You should be proud of it Henrik, you’ve done so well for yourself,” she reassured.

He raised an eyebrow at her, “you think?” The words dripping with self-doubt.

“Yes, I do,” she confirmed, reaching across to squeeze his hand. It was a spontaneous action, fuelled by friendship but it felt good and she couldn’t quite bring herself to pull away just yet. 

Henrik’s fingers drummed the table beneath her hand, a nervous twitch brought on by her touch. He looked over at her, this time really studying every minute detail of her face. She gazed back at him and the words left his mouth before his brain had had a chance to tell him not to, the effects of the wine loosening his tongue; “I think I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let…” He saw a flicker in Roxanna’s eyes and at first thought she knew what he was going to say but then he realised she was looking beyond him, over his shoulder. Her hand returned to her cup and he turned round to see David and John walking towards them. David patted Henrik on the back and then bent and kissed Roxanna on the lips and rested his hand on her shoulder. 

“You guys ready to head back?” he asked, beaming at them both. 

Henrik didn’t look at Roxanna, just nodded and stood up, “yes, I’m ready.”

“Mmm,” Roxanna agreed. She glanced over at Henrik but his back was turned towards her and he was speaking to John. 

****

When they got back home John, David and Roxanna went straight up to bed but Henrik lingered downstairs for a while walking from room to room, drinking water from a plastic bottle. He’d drunk too much tonight and now he felt sick. It wasn’t just the drink though, it was him. He’d come too close tonight. He couldn’t be here anymore. His mind was made up. He would book a flight back to London first thing in the morning.

When he eventually went up to bed he found John in his bed shirtless, sitting up against the headboard waiting for him. The lights were off but Henrik knew that silhouette like no one else. He wasn’t surprised to see John there. Henrik had been well aware that John had been building up to this all night, dropping what he thought were sly hints, but Henrik could read them like a book.

Henrik didn’t speak but walked over to the side of the bed and undid a few buttons on his shirt before pulling it over his head and draping it over the back of the chair next to the bed. John was the one who broke the silence.

“I thought we could…..just for tonight?” John stuttered as he slid himself to the edge of the bed and sat in front of Henrik. Henrik took a step forward so John’s head was level with Henrik’s waist and within reaching distance. John took this as a sign that he was being welcomed and lent his head against Henrik’s frame and wrapped his arms around his waist. He felt Henrik’s hand running through his hair.

“I thought we could just lay together, hold each other. It doesn’t have to go any further, if you don’t feel comfortable,” John suggested tentatively.

Ever since David and John had returned to their table tonight and he had watched David kiss Roxanna, Henrik had felt empty and hollow. He thought it might be nice to have some comfort, to have someone hold him. “Okay John, I think I’d like that,” he whispered into the darkness. He felt John’s arms tighten around his waist and then, John’s body melting into him. 

What harm could it do?

Besides, someone would be holding Roxanna tonight so why shouldn’t he have someone too?


	4. Wednesday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John reflects on the past six months and Henrik wakes up with a sore head intent on booking his flight home.

John woke early, the sun streaming in through the bedroom window. Ever so gently, so as not to wake him, John wrapped his arms around Henrik’s warm naked body and pressed a soft kiss to his back. He didn’t want to disturb his sleeping companion; he wanted to savour this moment.

He breathed in Henrik’s scent; cedar wood, sweat and sex. He didn’t want to be anywhere else, ever again. 

John had been surprised by Henrik’s reaction last night. He thought he would be sent back to his room but he hadn't been. Henrik had welcomed him, had kissed him and wanted him more ferociously than John had ever imagined. His dreams were becoming a reality. Surely life couldn’t be that kind to him? He wasn’t worthy of this much happiness. John closed his eyes again and pushed that thought out if his head. For now he would just enjoy the man sleeping in his arms. He thought back to six months ago when he and Henrik had become reacquainted once again………

 _John had resigned from a miserable hospital in Minnesota where he had been working. Well, that’s what he was telling people. It was a resignation that had been forced upon him. He wasn’t bothered anyway because he was ready to leave. His colleagues had started asking too many probing questions about his research methods and he wasn’t willing to share a thing. It had happened before at a previous hospital but he had moved on from there before things had become too contentious._ _He should have recognised that the same was happening this time but his research was at a crucial stage and he hadn’t wanted to disrupt things. But his mind had become so focused on the end goal that he had started to become complacent._ _The final straw came when the hospital suspected that he was using samples from dead patients without their relative's consent. John had denied it of course and had destroyed any evidence they could hold against him. The hospital had agreed to brush the incident under the carpet if John left peacefully so he agreed, as long as they agreed to give him a clean reference. They did of course, they didn’t want a scandal or an unlawful dismissal suit either. He_ _didn’t need them or their research money anyway. He had bigger fish to fry._

_He knew Henrik was in London so he waited a while until a post came up there. He got it of course, he was good in interviews, knew all the right things to say and he was good at his job. No one could deny that, even his previous employers who doubted his research ethics said he was good at his job; he was a skilled surgeon._

_He could have called Henrik straight away when he arrived in London but he didn’t want to be pitied so he waited until he had the job and the apartment._

_"There's a caller on the line Mr Hanssen, a Mr John Gaskell from St Thomas'. He says it’s urgent."_

" _John....?"_  
  
_They hadn't been in touch with one another for what must have been nearly two years, apart from the occasional letter. Henrik had been pleased to hear from his old friend, something had bubbled inside him when he heard John’s voice, and then, when John suggested they meet up Henrik had gulped away the lump forming in his throat. His reaction had perturbed him and later on when he thought about it Henrik wondered if it was a manifestation of the loneliness he didn’t realise had existed. After all, beyond work, he had very little else in his life._

  
_They agreed to meet for a drink one night after work. This developed into quiet dinners and without realising it, their meetings had become weekly occurrences. Unbeknown to each other, they were also the highlight of both of their calendars. Conversations revolved around work, hospital politics, and the latest research. Henrik would tell John about the performances he had seen at the Royal Opera House or the latest art exhibition he had been to. John would feign interest and Henrik knew it was falling on deaf ears but it was something to talk about._  
  
_Then one night after dinner in China Town John had suggested they try out a few bars around the corner in Soho. Afterwards they had ended up at Henrik's apartment, drunken fumbling in the hallway had ensued, the front door barely closed. It hadn't gone any further than that, but the next morning Henrik had been offhand with John, avoiding eye contact and far from hospitable. He didn’t offer John a coffee, let alone breakfast and made up an excuse about being called into work. He had ushered them both out of his apartment not long after waking, Henrik making sure they went their separate ways as soon as they were on the pavement. John hadn't expected anything less._  
  
_It hadn't stopped it happening again though. And again. All under the guise of Henrik being extremely drunk and conveniently forgetting that it had ever happened the next day, or so he suggested. John didn’t forget any of it._

_Now here they were in paradise sharing a bed, John's arms wrapped around his man._

Henrik stirred, then prised his eyes open and watched the net curtain blowing in the breeze. His head was throbbing. White wine always gave him a headache, why had he failed to remember that when he was throwing glass after glass of it down his neck last night?

Images of a flight and the safety and solitude of his apartment flicked through his brain. 

Then he felt John’s lips on his back; gentle kisses being scattered across his skin, John’s arm draped protectively across his stomach, his fingers grazing the top of Henrik’s pubic hairs. Henrik let out a deep sigh; he wasn’t sure if was born out of regret or desire. Was it possible it could be both?

“Morning,”

“Morning John,” Henrik whispered, his throat was soar. “What time is it?”

“Early, six. We’ve still got a bit of time before I have to go.” John knew Henrik would be sending him back to his room. He wasn’t naïve enough to think that Henrik was now okay with all this. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes,” Henrik thought back to their escapades last night. Sex always made him tired.

“Can I tell you something Henrik?” John whispered into Henrik’s back.

“Yes, of course.”

“I’ve never been on holiday before. I mean I’ve travelled for work and out of necessity, there were lots of that when I was young, but never for pleasure. You know, like this……”

“Oh?” Henrik felt a pang of sympathy, he knew John had led a shit life, worse than his own. He didn’t know all the details but from what he could gather, it had been a hard life and John had had to fight for everything he had.

“No never. I’m quite looking forward to this boat trip today. Being with you too…….” John knew he was saying too much, becoming too mushy, Henrik wouldn’t approve. “Well….you know….”

Henrik felt John press another kiss to his back. He closed his eyes and died a little bit inside. John, poor John. John who had never had any enjoyment or love in his life and now Henrik was going to ruin what little he did have……

_Actually John, I’m bringing this little holiday to an end this morning. I’m flying back to London alone because I can’t stop thinking about our female friend who is lying next door to us in the arms of her adoring husband, who also happens to be one of our closest friends._

Why was he such an emotionally fucked up idiot? Toxic, that was the word. He wasn’t safe to be around anyone. He should tell John now that he was going to book a flight. Leave Roxanna and David alone to enjoy their little bit of paradise. Free John from the hold he seemed to unwittingly have over him. But then Henrik was a coward, and he would be doing what he always did when things became difficult, he would be running away.

Was he that much of a bastard to ruin John’s one and only holiday? He couldn’t do it to him. He couldn’t deny that he had feelings for John, even though he wasn’t ready to acknowledge what they were yet but he enjoyed being with him. He enjoyed what they did together, he enjoyed what John did to him. It gave him a kind of pleasure he had never experienced before; it was euphoric. But it wasn’t just about the sex. When Henrik was at his lowest, John seemed to understand him like no one else did. John had saved his life all those years ago, Henrik would never forget that. He was now duty bound to look out for John, that was a given. But how could it be anything more than stolen moments behind closed doors? Henrik wasn’t ready to go public, he never would be. He couldn’t bare the shame of it, what would his father say? What would Maja think? What would _Roxanna_ think? It could ruin his career and at the end of the day that was all Henrik really had. 

Perhaps John was right, maybe this was just a holiday designed for pleasure. Perhaps he should forget reality and indulge himself for a few days and anyway his head was hurting too much to keep thinking this deeply. He let out a deep breathe knowing what was going to happen. He turned over to face John and held his face in his hands. His thumbs brushed over John’s beautifully chiselled cheekbones, his eyes penetrating deep into John’s baby blue eyes. He felt John’s cock brush against his thigh and then his own cock twitched. 

“Enough talking John…..” Henrik’s lips brushed against John’s. It was just a light kiss at first but quickly became harder and faster, and then, taking John by surprise, Henrik climbed on top of him and pinned his arms to the bed. 

Before they knew it was seven-thirty and Henrik was bundling up John’s clothes and pushing him out of the bedroom door.


	5. Wednesday Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad take a trip on Lennie's sailboat. David and John enjoy the cool waters but Henrik is struggling with the heat.

They had spent the morning on Lennie’s sailboat cruising around the North West coast and had dropped anchor in a secluded bay for a spot of swimming and lunch. 

Roxanna had arranged beach towels on the front deck for them to sit on whilst Lennie fired up the disposable barbecue. Roxanna was wearing white shorts and a blue bikini top. She was knelt on a towel, David sprawled out on his belly in front of her and she was rubbing sun cream into his back.

Henrik, dressed in a long sleeve shirt and knee length cargo shorts was sat on a nearby towel applying sun cream to his face. John had declined Henrik’s offer of splash of his sun cream and was leaning against the railings looking out onto the turquoise sea below them. 

“There, you’re all done,” Roxanna said to David as she pushed her sunglasses up onto the top of her head and applied the excess sun cream to her face.

“Thanks babe,” David replied, sitting himself up, “You fancy a swim John?”

“Er…” John turned to look at Henrik. He was torn; he wanted to stick by his word and stay with Henrik but he was also eager to take a dip in the clear blue waters amongst the fish. 

Henrik noticed John’s hesitation and made eye contact with him, gesturing to John that he should go. He didn’t want to be the reason for John missing out on anything.

John reciprocated the look with a discreet smile of gratitude. “Yeah go on then David,” he said as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

“Nice one, come on then,” David said rubbing his hands together. He made his way towards the stern, closely followed by John. 

Beyond Henrik, Roxanna looked up from her bag where she had been preoccupied looking for her lip balm, “Oh David, I wanted you to put sun cream on my back before you went!” she bemoaned, holding out the bottle of sun cream in her hand. 

“You’ll be all right for a bit,” David shouted back. Roxanna’s shoulders slumped as she let out a dejected sigh. She thought her husband could be rather selfish at times.

Noting his wife’s reaction, he shouted, “Ask Henrik to do it if you can’t wait,” then he performed a spectacular dive off the side of the boat disappearing into the water beneath, closely followed by John who executed an equally impressive dive. 

Henrik stopped in his tracks when he heard David’s suggestion; touch Roxanna’s beautiful bare skin, feel every muscle, trace every curve of her body beneath his fingertips. To perform such an intimate task on the woman he had spent years longing for, a woman he had no right to, it was a tantalising yet frightening prospect; he couldn’t do it, he wouldn’t do. Turning towards Roxanna, he said, “do you want me to….?” His hand held out hesitantly for the bottle. 

“Oh, no, it okay,” she stuttered, equally stunned at the idea of it. She slipped the bottle back into her bag and busied herself looking for her book. She could feel her cheeks blushing and she was glad she could hide behind her sunglasses. 

She had spent years thinking about how Henrik’ hands had explored her body _that_ night and now, in this situation, it was the last thing she wanted. His words in the restaurant last night had been swimming around in her head ever since they had left his thin lips. She knew he had been drunk but the look in his eyes, the intensity of it, it must have meant something. He had made the biggest mistake of his life when…when what? When he had let her go? Her body ached at the thought of him declaring his love for her. She pursed her lips together and looked out to shore in the distance. _Stop it Roxanna! Stop being so bloody foolish!_ She chastised herself. _He probably wasn’t even going to say that! It probably had nothing to do with you! The world doesn’t revolve around you. Henrik’s world doesn’t revolve around you, get over it!_

Her thoughts were interrupted by the man himself. There had been an awkward silence in the air and he couldn’t bear it, so he broke it with the most mundane question he could think to ask, “What are you reading?”

Roxanna looked over at him, “this?” she said holding the book up, “Oh it’s just a chick flick,” she smiled gently, “I don’t think you would like it.”

“Go on, try me….” He smiled.

“Okay,” she smiled back, “well, it’s about a girl…. a woman, who moves from a small village in the UK to New York to have a some sort of adventure and when she’s there she meets the man of her dreams, a high flyer type from a rich family and he asks her to marry him. But then, the night before the wedding her childhood sweetheart from back home…..a bit of a loser…. shows up at her apartment and declares his love for her.”

“Oh….Then what happens?”

“I don’t know, do I? I’m only half way through the book,” she said fingering the pages and showing him. Henrik nodded and let out of small laugh.

“What about you? What are you reading?” she asked gesturing to the book that was half sticking out of his bag. She knew what it was because she seen it in his bag earlier when they were getting into the jeep and it had set off alarm bells ringing in her head.

“Oh nothing,” he said slightly embarrassed, trying to slip it back into the bag. He knew the minute he plucked it off the shelf at home and dropped it into his suitcase that it was a mistake; it was a foolish whim but he just couldn’t help himself, “it’s just an old French text.”

“Go on, try me….” She said raising an eyebrow, a smirk on her face as she echoed his words.

He took in an intake of breathe knowing he was beaten, his lips turning up in embarrassed smile, “It’s a French play…called Cyrano de Bergerac,”

“Ah, Roxane,” she said as a knowing smile split her lips.

“You know it?” Of course she knew it! 

It was her namesake, she’d read it as a teenager, “I’ve seen the film,” she said, acting dumb. 

“Oh,” Henrik said raising his eyebrows, “the 1950 version or the 1990 version?” Henrik silently groaned at his own words; God, he sounded so lame, like some kind of obsessive. 

Roxanna licked her lips innocently, the corners of her mouth involuntarily turned upwards as she struggled to maintain her composure. She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, the Steve Martin version?” She knew she was being mean; Henrik was squirming in front of her, his cheeks turning a crimson red but she couldn’t help herself. 

Henrik felt sweat drip down his back and he knew it had nothing to do with the hot sun beaming down on them. Then it dawned on him, she was pulling his leg. Well two could play at that game…..

“I didn’t know Steve Martin played Roxane?” He said, deadpan.

“No!” Roxanna said screwing her face up in disbelief, “Steve Martin played…..”

Henrik guffawed, his shoulders lifting up and down with laughter. 

Roxanna started to laugh too, “You….” She said accusingly as she leant over and thwacked him on the arm, knowing he had thoroughly outwitted her. She watched him, it was good to see him laugh. Good to be laughing with him. Henrik smiled at her and took his book out of his bag and settled down to read it. Roxanna did the same and they sat in quiet contentment with each other, glancing up at one another every now and again to share a smile. 

After a short while, voices could be heard from the water and they both looked overboard to see David and John laughing and shouting at one another as they scrambled onto a large pink inflatable whale that Lennie had thrown down to them. It was a competition it seemed, to see who could get on first and stay on. There were no qualms about pushing each other off, both were as competitive as each other. 

Roxanna laughed at their frolics, “look at them,” she giggled. Henrik looked on and smiled. John seemed to be absolutely enjoying himself. He looked victorious as he sat astride the whales back, a grin from ear to ear on his face. It was short lived though as David reached up and grabbed his arm, causing both him and the inflatable to lose their balance. John toppled over into the water as the whale toppled in the opposite direction. John grabbed David by the shoulders, almost in an embrace and the two men clung to each and laughed their heads off. 

“It’s good to see John having fun,” Roxanna said.

“Mmm, it is,” Henrik agreed. “You know, John told me earlier that he’s never been on holiday before, not even as a child.”

“Oh, poor John,” Roxanna sympathised. She too had an inkling that John’s childhood had been pretty bleak, but she wasn’t privy to the details. “Has he said much to you about his life before Rigden?”

Henrik shook his head, still looking on at John, “No.” It was true.

“Well, if he’s never been on holiday before, we better make sure he remembers this one,” Roxanna sighed. 

“Mmm,” Henrik agreed. He felt guilty. Guilty that he’d thoroughly enjoyed spending the last twenty minutes alone with Roxanna whilst they had both pretended to read their books. Guilty that he’d watched her through the mask of his sunglasses; that he’d observed the rise and fall of her chest, that he’d studied the perfect shape of her breasts spilling over their cups, had focussed on the bud of her nipples almost visible through the thin material of her bikini. Guilty because he’d felt himself harden beneath his pants, rolling onto his stomach to hide it. _John was the reason he had decided to stay_ , _he reminded himself, John was the one he needed to focus on. John was the one who needed him._

They watched as David and John swam after the whale that was starting to float away. Again, it had turned into a competition as to who could reach the thing first. John was going front crawl at full pelt and David was struggling to keep up with him.

“He’s a good swimmer isn’t he,” Roxanna said, with some surprise. 

“He is, isn’t he,” Henrik agreed, also taken aback. He’d never seen John swim before, apart from that night when John had dragged him from the lake and then Henrik was in no fit state to notice John’s technique. Henrik had a horrible feeling that John had probably learnt to swim out of necessity; that for John it really had been a case of sink or swim. With no one else to look out for him, John had swam as fast and as hard as he could from whatever danger had faced him. John shouldn’t have to swim anymore, Henrik thought, John deserved the safety of the warm shallow waters and Henrik should be the one to provide it. 

“You want a Coke?” Roxanna asked taking a glass bottle from the cool box?

“No, thank you,” Henrik muttered, still lost in his thoughts. He reached for John’s towel, his eyes focussing on the said person who was climbing the steps onto the boat. 

John’s wet body padded his way down the length of the vessel towards Henrik who was waiting for him with the towel. David remained at the stern chatting to Lennie and Roxanna went down to give them both a cold drink. 

Henrik draped the towel around John’s shoulders, “you must be cold?” he asked, a concerned frown forming across his brow.

John shrugged the towel off his shoulders and used it to dry his face, “Nah, its warm in there,” he smiled. 

“Still, you should dry off properly, change out of those wet shorts,” Henrik suggested protectively. 

“I’m fine, the sun will dry them,” John said popping his sun glasses on and laying out the towel again on the deck before spreading himself out on his back.

“Remember you haven’t got any sun cream on John,” Henrik said standing over him. “Don’t burn will you…?”

“Henrik, I’m fine,” John said lifting himself on his elbows and looking up at Henrik. “Sit down,” he suggested patting the space next to him. “I’ll dry off and then i'll put some cream on, okay?”

Henrik nodded and did as he was told, “okay.” He was over compensating, deliberately so, to make up for his guilt and he knew it. He gave himself a pep talk:

_This holiday is about John. About making sure he enjoys himself and maybe, about working out where ‘this’ goes when we return to London. Roxanna is happy with David. Any immoral thoughts about Roxanna are, from now on, banned._

He slid his book back into his bag and rolled over on his side to face John, his head resting on his elbow. He could hear David and Lennie laughing and Roxanna’s voice trying to talk over them in the distance so he took the opportunity to run a finger down John’s firm, wet torso starting in the middle of his smooth chest, between the toned pecks and running it all the way down to his navel where he rested it and then swirled his finger around.

John wriggled beneath him, gasping in shock at the audacity of it, “Henrik!” he whispered. 

“It’s okay,” Henrik whispered back, “no one can see.”

“You…” John said, shaking his head in disbelief, “you Henrik, are a conundrum. Just when I think I’m starting to understand you, you go and surprise me.”

“I don’t understand myself John, so how can anyone else expect to?” He could here movement coming towards them so removed his hand, his eyes still fixed on John. 

“Lunch is ready,” Roxanna said as she came into sight and then rummaged around in the cool box, “come on it looks great. Drink John?”

“Sprite please,” he said getting up. 

“Henrik? You sure you don’t want one?”

“I’m fine thanks, I’ve got my water,” he said holding up his bottle and getting to his feet. Roxanna passed a bottle to John and headed back to the food, John started to follow her.

“Here,” Henrik said handing John his t-shirt. “Put it on….please, I’m concerned you will burn.”

“All right,” John said turning to face Henrik, “I’ll take your concern as a compliment….but only… because it’s you,” he whispered, the words flirtatious on his tongue. It was now John’s turn to run a finger down Henrik's shirt covered chest. For the second time today Henrik felt sweat trickling down his back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies folks, I'm not sure Henrik would be so blatant as to take Cyrano de Bergerac with him but I just couldn't resist it!


	6. Wednesday Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David surprises Roxanna. John and Roxanna have a heart to heart.

It had been an enjoyable day for all of them. Roxanna had her chance to swim later on with David, giving Henrik and John the opportunity for some alone time. John had been surprised at how tactile Henrik had been with him, insisting that he apply sun cream to John’s body. It was as if Henrik could not do enough to please John. John had relished it and it had given him new hope that Henrik was coming round the idea of their relationship. On the way back Lennie had given Henrik the opportunity to take the helm and he had expertly sailed them back to the harbour and had enjoyed every minute of it.

Afterwards, Roxanna drove the weary foursome back to the house, their skin hot and tight from the sun and salt water. 

“Bagsy the shower first,” David said from the front seat. 

“Oh no you don’t,” Roxanna insisted, “I’m doing the driving so I get the first shower,”

“I’ll tell you what babe, if you promise to scrub my back I’ll let you join me,” he grinned.

“You wish!” Roxanna scoffed as she glanced through the rear view mirror at her passengers. She was glad to see that Henrik was oblivious to the conversation, his head lolling on John’s shoulder as he dozed. 

John caught her eye and gave her a smile. He enjoyed watching Roxanna and David together. It pleased him that the couple seemed happy; he had introduced them after all. He had met David on the running track at Rigden, where both of them were regular late night occupants. John preferred to run at night when no one else was around and David, who was so busy with all the societies he was involved in, found that the hour before bed was the only time he could fit any exercise into his daily routine, so they had bonded over the rubber as their feet pounded the track late into the night. 

When David had asked John who his ‘pretty friend was?’ John had been more than willing to introduce Roxanna to him. Unbeknown to David, his interest in Roxanna had come at just the right time for John because the threesome that was himself, Henrik and Roxanna was starting to become a bit too congested for John. It was turning into a case of ‘two’s company but three’s a crowd’ and he was the one who was getting pushed out. Henrik was besotted with Roxanna and was following her around campus like a love sick puppy. For Henrik everything was about Roxanna; what did Roxanna like? What did Roxanna want to do? What would Roxanna think? What would Roxanna say? John was getting sick of it; his friendly words of advice that Roxanna just wasn’t right for Henrik were falling on deaf ears so David became the answer to John’s prayers. The icing on the cake was that Roxanna genuinely seemed to like David and it wasn’t long before she was spending more time away from Henrik and John and that was just fine with him.

****

Back at the house Roxanna left the boys to grab the bags from Jeep and ran inside and upstairs to the shower before anyone else could get there. A smug smile spread across her face as she quickly undressed and stepped inside the cubicle, the warm water refreshing her dried out skin. After a few minutes she heard the bathroom door slam and rolled her eyes, knowing exactly who it was going to be. The shower curtain was whipped aside and her naked husband stood there grinning at her. 

“Move over gyirl,” he said as he slapped her backside. Whenever he was messing around with her he tended to slip into his native creole tongue. 

“Oh David,” she sighed, “can’t you just wait?” She said frustratingly, but nevertheless stepping aside to make way for him. 

“Eh, Eh,” he said as he cupped both her breasts with his hands and kissed her on the lips. A smile spread across her face, her lips still pressed against his, as she felt his erection brush up against her leg.

“God, Rox, your body!” he drooled as his hands moved down to explore her further and his teeth sunk into her shoulder. 

Roxanna squealed in delight, “David! Don’t leave a mark!” She flung her head back, quite enjoying the sensation and it encouraged him further. 

“Oh, yeah,” he groaned, as his lips started to explore her chest, his hands fixed on her hips as the water continued to cascade over them. “For real baby….”

Then, in the loudest and most high pitched tone he could achieve he burst into song, Prince style: “ _could you beeee…the…most beauuuuutifuuuul girl in the world,”_ his body writhed up and down Roxanna’s body in rhythm with the tune, his hands caressing every curve of her body. 

Roxanna burst out laughing, “shh….," she giggled.

 _“most beauuuutiful, most beauuuutiful……can’t ya see, you’re the reason that God made a girl_ ,” now on his knees he stopped at her crotch, and nuzzled his face into it.

“David!” she squealed, as she felt his nose rub up against her clit, her hands automatically reaching down to grab his head and drag him back up on to his feet. “Stoppppp it! The boys will hear!”

“Nah, they’re not interested,” he said as his tongue encircled her left nipple.

“No…really, stop!” She said as she dragged his head away from her body again, “come on, they’ll be waiting for the shower and there’s not much hot water in the tank.”

“Okay, okay,” he groaned. “Come on gyril, give me the soap,” he held his hand out and she passed him the bar. He lathered his hands up and started to massage them over her body. “let’s gat ya al clean,” he said as he worked his way down her stomach. “Open,” he said as he reached in between her legs, “let’s get ya cracks al clean,” he said as he slipped his fingers inside of her. 

She was caught by surprise, “ahh!” she gasped as she writhed against his fingers before bursting into fits of unrestrained laughter and flinging her head back as his head nuzzled into her breasts once again. 

***

“They’re good together aren’t they?” It was John. He was laid out on Henrik’s bed next to Henrik. The shrill of Roxanna’s laughter and David’s singing along with the noise of running water could be heard through the thin walls.

"Mmm," a dismissive response came from Henrik. He was laying on his back with his arm over his eyes. He was exhausted from his day in the sun but it wasn’t just tiredness making him grumpy. Listening to ‘that’ made him wish he had taken a flight home.   
  
"It's obvious they adore one another," John went on. The sound of Roxanna's laugh continued to pierce through the walls.  
  
It galled Henrik, got him right in the pit of his stomach but John was right, David and Roxanna were good together. David was good for Roxanna, much better than he could ever be. It was a hard pill to swallow but one that Henrik had been choking on from the moment he met Roxanna. He felt John sidle up against him, his arm settling across Henrik's stomach.  
  
"Do you think we could get away with sharing a shower when the love birds have finished?" John whispered into Henrik’s ear.  
  
Henrik removed his arm from his eyes and glanced at John, "no," he said bluntly. John nodded in reluctant agreement. 

“Listen, the water’s stopped. You mind if I go in first?" Henrik lifted John's arm off his torso and sat up.  
  
"No, go for it," John replied as he rolled on to his back and closed his eyes. He could hear Henrik walking around the bed and then he sensed him stood next to him. John prised an eye open to discover Henrik looming above him. Henrik lowered his body and pecked John on the lips, moving away before John had any chance to respond.  
  
"I won’t be long," Henrik said as he grabbed a towel and headed towards the door.  
  
"Don’t be," John smiled. 

********

“That alright for you?” John asked as he settled a bottle and a glass of white wine on the coffee table.

“Yes, great,” Roxanna replied as she lifted herself into a seated position from where she had been laying out on the cane sofa on the veranda. 

“I thought I’d bring the bottle, save us having to disturb them again,” he sat down next to her and lifted Roxanna’s feet on to his lap, his own glass of wine in his hand. 

“How’s it going in there?” Roxanna smiled, raising a questioning eye brow. David and Henrik were in the kitchen preparing the meal.

“Okay by the looks of it,” John said as looked towards the open door, “you know, I think David is the only one who can get away with bossing Henrik around in the kitchen. He’s got him doing all sorts.”

Roxanna let out a small laugh as she considered John’s words. “You’re probably right.”

“Henrik’s such a control freak in the kitchen. Well same as he is in every aspect of his life. Won’t let me touch a thing in his kitchen.”

Roxanna nodded knowingly, “mmm, when it comes to the kitchen David is very much the same. I just leave him to it.” She reached for her glass and took a sip.

“Best way,” John agreed. They sat in silence for a while until John said, “So, how’s work going?”

“Oh you know, it’s okay,” she said feigning a smile. John noticed this.

“Just okay?”

Roxanna let out a sigh. “It is okay, it really is, it’s just… hard sometimes, you know. My Consultant is a….” she considered her words carefully, “….a difficult man to please, shall we say. He doesn’t seem to be a fan of females working in medicine unless they’re nurses, so it’s a _bit_ of a battle.”

John gave her a conciliatory smile. “What does David say? Surely he can’t be happy about that?”

Roxanna shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t like to get David involved too much to be honest. I can’t expect him to fight my battles, that wouldn’t be very feminist of me would it? Besides, David practically knows everyone on this island in a personal capacity so it makes it a bit tricky, and off course everyone loves David. His family are well known and well respected, they’ve done a lot for the islands so….being the cause of tension would not go down very well with anyone.”

John took hold of Roxanna’s ankle and gave it a gentle rub. He’d never been that enamoured by Roxanna. First and foremost she had always been his main rival for Henrik’s attention, although he was sure she would not see it that way, she was too sugary and nice for that, yet another reason to dislike her. She was smart too, smarter than he was but she just did not have the confidence to push through with it, was always doubting herself, going over and over her findings again until in the end she would convince herself they were wrong, when in fact they were brilliant. She was so weak that she would allow others to convince her that her work was rubbish and didn’t even realise when they were stealing it from right under her nose. But the last few days were making John reconsider his views on her. Seeing her happy with David had convinced him that perhaps she was not the big rival he had always seen her as and Henrik’s growing affection towards him had also given him a boost. Looking over at Roxanna now, he could almost feel some compassion towards her plight. It was hard for women, no doubt about it and was true that they had to work even harder than everyone else. But then again, so had he.

“What about your research? Has that come on any further?”

Roxanna took another gulp of wine, “honestly? I haven’t looked at it in months.” She shook her head, “don’t seem to have the time or inclination at the moment. I’m either working or doing stuff for David’s charity….it’s rather gone on the back burner. Anyway, I’m not sure it’s going anywhere, I’d come to a dead end with it. Nothing seemed to be working the way I had expected it to so…..” she trailed off and took another big gulp of the alcohol. 

“Have you shown it to David?”

Roxanna nodded, “bits of it yes, but he’s got a lot on as well so….you know he’s getting another paper published soon?” 

John wasn’t really listening to that last bit, he was too deep in his own thoughts and licked his lips, almost in anticipation, “if you ever wanted me to have a look at your research I’d be more than happy to….if you thought it would help of course?”

“Would you?” there was a gratefulness to her tone. “That would amazing, but I’m sure you’ve got enough on?”

He took hold of her hand now, “Really Rox, I wouldn’t mind. Just send it over. You’ve got my email address haven’t you? Or I can take a look before we head home?”

“Okay,” she smiled, “thanks.”

John gave her a wink and drained his glass, “don’t mention it. You ready for another?”

“Yeah, go on then,” she said holding out her glass for him as he lent forward and topped both there glasses up. “So, John, how’s life for you at the moment? You enjoying your new job?”

“I am Rox,” he said relaxing back into the sofa. “It’s a good place to be for my research. The people are not too bad. Henrik is nearby so……”

Roxanna smiled, “good. I’m glad you’ve settled okay.” She eyed him, and thought for a moment, not sure she should say the next bit but the atmosphere was relaxed and she thought why the hell not. “I hope you don’t mind me saying John but you do seem happy at the moment,” she faltered, “I mean happier than you’ve seemed previously.”

John looked at her, his blue eyes boring into her own smiling eyes, he was taken aback by her words. Was he that obvious? He _was_ happy with the way things were currently but he hadn’t realised that he’d been acting any differently. He gave a wry smile and let out an embarrassed laugh. “Oh Rox,” he said sighing and shaking his head in disbelief, “you know how to read a man don’t you.”

Roxanna didn’t know what to say, perhaps she’d overstepped the mark, “sorry, I just….forget I said anything.”

“No…it’s okay. I am in a good place at the moment actually.”

“Good,”

“I’ve err….I’ve met someone.” It was the first time he’d ever talked about it to anyone other than Henrik.

“Oh John,” Roxanna gushed, a smile spreading across her face. Her joy was infectious and John found himself beaming from ear to ear. 

“Where….I mean did you meet in London?”

“Err…yeah, kind of,” Now he’d started he wasn’t quite sure how much he should reveal.

“And it’s going well?”

“Yeah, I think so. In fact….I’m thinking of asking him to move in with me,”

“John! That’s fantastic!” She reached for John’s hand and squeezed it.

John gave her a shy grin. 

“What’s fantastic?” David appeared in the doorway.

Roxanna looked at John searching his face for any sign of whether he wanted his news sharing. He gave a look and slight shake of his head which indicated he didn’t. “Oh nothing, John’s just telling me about his new flat,”

“Oh. Well dinner is ready.”

“Great,” Roxanna said as she stood up.

“If the steaks are over cooked then blame Henrik cos he’s cooked them,” David frowned as he returned to the kitchen. 

Roxanna rolled her eyes at her husband’s words and started for the kitchen but John grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

“Rox,” he whispered. “What I just said….will you keep it to yourself for the time being? I’m not ready to start telling everyone just yet. Oh and don’t mention any of this to Henrik will you?””

“Of course,” she smiled.

He smiled back at her, “thanks Rox. Come on, I’m starving,” he said as he held her hand and led her through to the house. 

****

Later that evening after David and Roxanna had gone up to bed John came over to Henrik and topped up his glass with whiskey, “I’ve enjoyed today Henrik, so thank you.”

Henrik looked up at John and smiled, “good.” He caught John’s hand, “come and sit down,” he said pulling John down next to him, his eyes not leaving John’s for a moment. John lent in and kissed Henrik softly on the lips, Henrik reciprocating the gesture. John’s hand slid down Henrik’s body and rested on his cock where he could feel it throbbing beneath the fabric of Henrik’s trousers. They continued to kiss, with John’s applying more pressure to Henrik’s crotch but Henrik pulled back, prising his lips away from John’s, “wait. Not here. Let’s go up to bed.”

“Okay,” John said breathlessly, not taking his eyes from Henrik. “Let’s go.” This was _really_ was turning into one of the best days of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments would be welcomed just to give me an indication of how this is going down. You like? You dont like? Suggested improvements? I dont mind if you tell me you hate it, I'd just like to know.


	7. Thursday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna and John both realise that that things are not as they thought they were and decide they need some space.  
> David fills Henrik in on some information from the past but Henrik fears he is being given a warning.

Roxanna was sat in a wicker chair on the balcony of her bedroom with her feet up on the railings, the early morning sun warming her. David was fast asleep in bed snoring his head off. She loved her sleep and was never normally awake before David but this week sleep had evaded her as the past haunted her dreams. Rigden, the lab, the library; younger versions of herself and the boys danced around in her head, not dissimilar to the way they all used to dance around her dorm at night, the record player endlessly spinning, the air thick with cigarette smoke and their tongues dry with red wine.

She held her book in her hand and told herself she was eager to finish it, but in truth, she wasn’t that interested, she already knew the ending without even reading it anyway. In fiction it’s almost always a happy ending; the girl running into the arms of her childhood sweetheart, the rebuked fiancé never to be thought about again. But real life was a tad more complicated than that.

She threw the book on to the low table next to her and let out a deep sigh reflecting on the feelings she had been floundering with ever since the day David walked into her life and Henrik faded into the background. Was it possible to be in love with two people at once? How could one be perfectly happy with one’s lot but at the same time yearn so much for something else? She brushed away a tear and made her way over to the bed, curling up next to the man she should certainly be in love with. She breathed him in, making him fill her senses in the hope that it would overwhelm any other feelings that she had. 

****

“John, wake up……John!” Henrik reached over and shook the lump that was wrapped in a cotton sheet lying next to him.

“Mmm” came a groan from the lump.

“Get up John, it’s time to go.”

John snuggled in closer to Henrik and flung an arm around him. “Not yet, surely? A few more minutes,” he moaned.

“No John. It's almost seven. You need to go,” Henrik instructed, as he disentangled himself from John’s grasp and sat up on the edge of the bed, his back to John.

John let out a heavy sigh and stared up at the ceiling. After a few moments he looked over to Henrik, “don’t you think David and Rox would understand? I think we should tell them about us.”

"No!" Henrik snapped back all too hastily. He stood up and walked over the window and opened the blinds, the bright sunlight almost blinding them both.

John looked up at Henrik through the glare of the light, “But yesterday…. it was so good...like being a real couple..."

Henrik shook his head, “No, I can't," he turned his back on John now and looked out of the window.

John shook his head in disbelief, "I just don’t get you Henrik....what's changed in the last six hours? We made love last night Henrik! That wasn't just sex!"

"Keep your voice down!" Henrik exclaimed through gritted teeth, his fists clenching. "I'm just not ready..."

John stood up and pulled on his boxers, "I don't think you'll ever be ready, will you Henrik?"

Henrik couldn't deny it. He wasn't sure he ever would be.

"Well?"

"I...."

"See! Thought not," he bundled his clothes up.

"John, I'm sorry. Just give me more time?"

John shook his head, he didn't believe a word of it as much as he desperately wanted to.

"I'll take a shower and make breakfast for us? The eggs you like?" Henrik said turning to look at John. 

"Whatever..." and with that, John was gone and Henrik was alone again.

****

“What are you looking at?” It was David, his eyes still closed. He could sense Roxanna’s face close to him.

“Nothing,” she answered innocently, a smile splitting her lips. She did love David.

His eyes still closed, David reached his arm out and slipped it around Roxanna’s waist and pulled her closer to him. She went with it and rested her forehead on his.

“I love you Rox,” he murmured before leaning in and kissing her softly.

“What do you want to do today?”

“I don’t know. Depends on what the kids wanna do,”

Roxanna laughed at his words, “the kids…?”

“Well, it is a bit like that, isn’t it?”

“I suppose.”

“So….what were you and John talking about before dinner last night?"

“Well you were right, he has met someone….,”

“What did I tell you? I knew it!"

“Mmm,” Roxanna agreed, “….and he seems very taken with him. He even mentioned asking him to move in with him,”

“Steady on John,” David recoiled. “He can’t have known him that long can he?"

“He didn’t actually say how long they’d been together or how they’d they met, I’m just assuming they must have met when John arrived in London. Maybe they work together or something…?”

“You didn’t ask? Rox, what were you thinking?”

“Well, there wasn’t much time to ask and besides, John said he wanted to keep things quiet, he didn’t even want Henrik to know,”

"Why?"

"I don't know? Maybe he wants to tell him himself?"

“Poor Henrik.”

“Why?” Roxanna questioned.

“Well, he’s just got his old friend back in town and now John has met someone. He's not going to want to hang out with Henrik if he's in a new relationship is he?"

Roxanna, raised her eyebrows, she hadn’t thought about it like that. It saddened her to think of Henrik being alone, “hmm, I’m sure Henrik has got some friends at work. He’s survived long enough without John being around.”

“Does Henrik ever see his kid? What was his name?”

"What made you think about him?" Roxanna asked, a frown appearing on her face. 

"Dunno," he shrugged.

“His name is Fredrik. I don’t think they're in touch.”

“And what was the mother called?”

“Maja,” a name Roxanna wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. She felt a stab of jealousy every time she thought of the woman, now being no exception. Roxanna had never said it aloud but she was sure that Henrik’s feelings for Maja played a part in him rejecting her. He probably still loved her; she knew how that felt.

Then a thought occurred to her, maybe at the restaurant the other night Henrik was going to say:

_“I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let Maja go”_

Or……. _“when I let Maja take Fredrik.”_

_Yes, that was probably it. It had nothing to do with her at all!_

_Henrik was talking about his family, his real family, his own flesh and blood. Not her!_

_What a fool she was, what a complete and utter fool to think to that Henrik had ever had any feelings for her!_

Her heart started to pound in her chest and she felt as if she couldn't breathe.

“Rox?”

_All those years she had wasted pining over Henrik bloody Hanssen, when all along he had been in love with someone else!_

"Rox....?"

“Hmm?” Her head snapped to look at him.

“I asked you if Maja had stopped Henrik seeing the kid?”

Roxanna shook her head, “I don’t know David, I don’t know anything about it,” she snapped at him, an irritated tone to her voice. 

She pulled away from David’s grasp, still struggling to maintain a steady breath. She felt claustrophobic, she needed to get out of the house, a million miles away from _Henrik Hanssen_. "I....err...I just remembered, I've got a shift today," she gasped as she started for the door.

"What, today? I thought you said you had the rest of the week off?" He said, sitting up to look at her.

"I....err....," she stumbled around grabbing some items of clothing from a chair.

"But I need your help to get things ready for the auction tomorrow night." It was for David's charity.

She wasn't listening to him. "I…I need to have a shower, I'm late...."

"Rox....?" He shouted after her but she was gone.

****

Henrik was stood at the stove cooking eggs, David was sat at the table in his dressing gown flicking through the pages of the newspaper. Roxanna came rushing downstairs in her work clothes and was scuttling around looking for her keys.

"You want some breakfast before you go?" David shouted over to her. "Henrik's making eggs."

Roxanna glanced over at Henrik cautiously. He caught her eye and gave her a relaxed smile. She looked away nervously, continuing to rummage through her bag, "err...no thanks. I'm late, I have to go." She looked round again, "where's John?"

"He's gone out for a run apparently." David replied, looking up from his paper.

"Oh. Well I've got to go, I don’t know what time I'll be back..."

David held his arms out to her and puckered his lips but Roxanna wasn't looking and before he could call her name she was gone. The door slammed and he dropped his arms. A silence settled over the house apart from the sizzling of the eggs in the pan.

"Just us then Henrik," David sighed as he filled his glass with orange juice.

"Mmm," Henrik agreed. John had left without word just as Henrik had come downstairs. He was hoping John would be back before breakfast but he wasn't and now Henrik feared he would be gone for some time. He grabbed the plates and took them over to the table.

"Thanks," David sounded deflated. He wasn't completely convinced that Roxanna had a shift today.

The two men sat in silence concentrating on their food, each pondering where their lovers had gone and how it had come to this.

"You want a coffee Henrik?" David mumbled as he dragged his bare feet over to the kettle.

"Thanks."

David returned to the table with a cafetiere. He pushed the plunger down and poured out two mugs.

"It must be refreshing to wake up here every day? Not like the greyness of London." Henrik gestured to the view, trying to lighten the mood. It was an effort to make small talk but he thought it would be polite to do so.

"Mmm. It might look like paradise Henrik but not everyone would see it that way," he replied glumly.

"Surely not?"

"Rox....some days I think she'd rather be a million miles away from here."

"Oh?" Henrik asked curiously. 

"Mmm… she says she's happy but I know it's not her idea of home."

"Right,"

"She hates her job, she hasn't made any real friends here and she doesn't seem to want to make any real efforts to settle. You know she doesn't want a baby?"

"You said." Henrik replied, trying to avoid eye contact. He was feeling uncomfortable; he wasn't the right person to be talking to about this.

"I mean it's what you do when you love someone isn’t it? When you're trying to build a life together?” David looked at Henrik for affirmation but when nothing came he went on, gesturing madly with his arms after each word: “You get married, enjoy a couple of years of fun then make babies and settle down." David hadn't talked about this with anyone before and it just came spilling out of him. 

"I...err..?"

David shook his head in frustration, "you know she's given up on her research don't you?”

“I didn’t…..”

“It's as if she's lost all enthusiasm for anything and that's just not Rox is it?” Henrik shook his head in agreement.

“It's partly why I invited you and John here, to see if it would reignite something in her, particularly with her research."

"You should talk to her," it was all Henrik could think of saying.

"And run the risk of pushing her away?"

"I don't think..."

"You know she left me once before?"

Henrik's eyes widened as he shook his head; he didn't know. He looked at David who was now eyeing Henrik intently. He had turned his chair to face Henrik, his elbow resting on the table.

"Yeah.” David went on, “First year into our marriage when we were still in Boston. She said she needed 'time to think', said she thought we'd ‘rushed into things’,” he imitated quotation marks with his fingers. “So she got on a plane and disappeared for a week."

"Where did she go?" It was perverse to ask but he couldn't help himself.

"Scotland of all places,"

Henrik gulped away the acid that was rising in his throat; he had spent the first three years as a junior doctor in Edinburgh, it would have been around the same time. David must have known he was there, surely? Henrik averted his eyes from David’s gaze and realigned the knife and fork that was laying haphazardly on the plate in front of him. "She came back though?" He stuttered.

David nodded in agreement, "she did, thank God." He looked pensive and then he looked at Henrik again raising his voice slightly, "and I can't lose her again Henrik, so....." it came out forceful, but not aggressive. He held Henrik's gaze for a few moments longer before he eventually looked away.

Henrik froze in his chair, his mind going into over drive. Scotland;

_-Did Roxanna go looking for him or was it just a coincidence?_

_-Did David know what had happened the night before the wedding?_

_-Did he suspect that Roxanna may have gone to look for him?_

_-Had David just given him a polite warning not to go messing around with his wife again?_

He honestly didn't know the answer to any of these questions. But he did know that sitting here, with David, in the man's own home, listening to his marriage woes was all wrong; he had slept with poor man’s wife after all. He was despicable, he shouldn’t even be here. He stood up, "I'll clear these away...." he muttered as he collected up the dirty dishes and took them over to the sink.

"I'll get dressed," David replied, pulling himself together. Now, the familiar lightness returned, "you fancy hitting the golf course later Henrik? See what John says when he comes back hey?"

"Hmm, that would be good," Henrik replied as he watched David disappear upstairs.

Henrik let out a deep sigh, he could hear his heart pounding in his chest.

 _John_. He had momentarily forgotten about his troubles with John. Being in a relationship was definitely over rated; better to be alone than to run the risk of harming anyone else. He sunk his hands into the steaming hot water in the sink. "Ah," he gasped as he felt a glass crack beneath the soap suds. He lifted his hand out of the water and watched blood trickle down his left index finger.

He deserved that, but in future he needed to be more careful.


	8. Thursday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxanna takes herself off for the day, desperate to escape from the claustrophobia of the house and her feelings. David faces professional difficulties and John gives Henrik some home truths.

The blue jeep pulled into the drive and stopped in its usual place, the headlights lighting up the veranda of the home. Roxanna switched off the engine but did not get out of the vehicle, remaining in her seat, hands gripping the steering wheel. She attempted to steady her breathing, accepting that she could stay away no longer. 

She’d fled the house this morning at eight and it was now nearing ten at night. She’d driven off not knowing where she was going, knowing only that she needed to get away from that house, from that man, from Henrik Hanssen. She had driven all the way to the south of the island, and found herself on a secluded beach where she had walked and walked, picking up shells as she went and throwing each one back into the sea, only for them to be washed ashore again by the crashing waves. For each shell she threw she berated herself for being such an idiot. She’d spent most of her adult life thinking about Henrik Hanssen. She’d thrown herself at him, even risked her relationship with David for him but each time she did he had rejected her. Why could she not just accept that and move on? Why had it taken until now for her to realise that she meant nothing to him. 

It was time to draw a line under it. She needed to get back to what really mattered, to David, to her research. It was those thoughts that led her back to the hospital, to a storeroom in the basement that she had set up as a lab and where she had stayed until now. 

She took in a deep breath and exhaled, wiping away a tear from her cheek and climbed out of the vehicle. She was mentally and physically exhausted and she knew her make-up had been washed away by the tears she had shed. She wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and to get the next two days over with as quick as possible. Then Henrik would be out of her life again, but as she came through the front door David was upon her;

“Where have you been?” He questioned, his tone harsh. 

“What?” she faulted as she attempted to remove her sandals. 

“I said, where have you been? I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day. The hospital said you weren't on shift?” 

“I….er,” she stuttered. She hadn’t prepared an explanation of her whereabouts. 

“The hotel has cancelled on us for the charity event tomorrow night, the staff have all come down with a virus so they’ve had to shut down. I’ve spent the day ringing round other places but it’s too short notice, everywhere’s full…” He was pacing up and down like a caged animal in a zoo, “I needed you today Rox, I needed your help! John and Henrik have been ringing round hotels, not how they wanted to spend their holiday I'm sure!” 

Roxanna was stunned, this was the last thing she had expected to come home to. “I’m sorry...I...err…,” the guilt she had felt before returning home had now doubled. "Right...well I'm sure we can sort it out." 

"I've tried Rox, we're screwed," her husband replied, throwing himself onto the sofa. 

To many people David was the epitome of cool, calm and collected but when things didn’t go to plan he could resemble a petulant child and it usually fell to Roxanna to sort it out. She was the one quietly working away in the background for the charity, doing all the research, all the leg work whilst he was the public face of it; she was the one who would stay up late proofreading David’s research papers whilst he crashed in bed. If she was honest, it was all to the detriment of her own career and interests but wasn’t that what you did when you were married? Didn’t their needs come before your own? 

"Just let me have a think", she sighed as she made her way through to the kitchen where Henrik was hovering. She could barely bring herself to look at him, she felt so humiliated. She wanted to run away again and never come back. She grabbed a half open bottle of wine from the refrigerator but as she turned to reach for a glass he was barely a cat’s whisker from her holding a glass out for her. 

"Hectic day?" He enquired. 

"Er...a little." She stumbled over her words as she took the glass from him, his fingers brushing against her own, the fragrance of his aftershave catching in her throat. She gave him a quick but grateful smile then fled into the adjacent study, and closed the door firmly behind her. She rested against the back of the door, the wine bottle and glass clutched to her chest. She’d drank far too much this week but now was not the time to think about stopping. Next week, when they were gone she would stop. She dragged herself over to the desk and sat down, pouring a large glass of wine before picking up the telephone and dialling the number. 

When she re-appeared ten minutes later, she found David sprawled out on the sofa hugging a cushion and fixated on a baseball game on the television. She stood in front of the set deliberately to obscure his view, “its sorted,” she announced. “Lennie will do a barbecue on the beach, he’ll supply the food and drinks, all we have to do is source tables, chairs, decorations et cetera. We’ll ring the guests tomorrow morning and let everyone know the change of plan.” If she hadn't felt so self conscious because of Henrik looking on, she would have felt mighty happy with herself. 

“A barbecue? On the beach….Rox, i'm not sure? You know the kind of people invited to this thing. They’ve paid a lot of money for the tickets, they're going to be expecting a little bit more than a barbecued fish on the beach." He was being condescending. 

“David, it will be fine. We’ve got all tomorrow to sort it,”

“I don’t know Rox,” he complained, “It’s not what I had in mind……”

She was losing her patience with him. “Fine,” she snapped as she drank down the contents of her glass, “well you sort it then if you think you can come up with something better. Oh and don’t forget to call Lennie and tell him his services are not up to your standards,” she yelled as she disappeared outside. 

David let out a deep sigh as Henrik appeared from the kitchen. 

“Too harsh?” David asked, raising his eyebrows and glancing up at Henrik. It was a rhetorical question. 

“Yes, it was unfair,” Henrik agreed bluntly as he lent against the door frame. “A beach party is not a bad idea," he offered, "and it's better than anything we’ve come up with all day." 

"I know Henrik, I know. I'm a prick….," he groaned as he thwacked himself on the forehead with the palm of his hand. 

****

"Tough day?" It was John, he was sitting on the wicker sofa out on the rear veranda. 

"You could say that," she mumbled. 

"Here," he said, patting the seat next to him and picking up a half empty bottle of scotch, "come and sit down and have some of this." 

Roxanna did as she was told and rested her head on John's shoulder as he splashed the golden liqueur into her glass. 

“I had a look through my research day,” she said.

“Oh,” 

“Yeah, I spent some time going over it and actually, it's not that bad,” she smiled to herself, it felt good to acknowledge it. 

“Good,” John said shifting in his seat meaning Roxanna had to sit up straight. “I’m pleased Rox.”

“I was wondering if I could send it to you. To see what you think?”

John was nodding his head enthusiastically, “yeah, definitely. That would be fine.” 

“Be honest, won’t you? I mean, if it’s rubbish then please do say, I don’t want to make a fool of myself.” 

“Of course,” he nodded. 

"I'm sorry you've had a rubbish day trying to sort out David's problem. I should have been here to help and perhaps you and Henrik could have gone off to do something fun instead of being stuck here." 

"Fun? Henrik? Are you serious?" It was meant to have been a joke but there was no amusement in his tone. 

Roxanna let out a little chuckle. "You know what I mean. David's right, you're on holiday, you shouldn't have been doing this today." 

"Oh don't worry Rox, I wasn't much in the mood for fun anyway." 

"Oh? Are you missing your man?" she smiled, gently bumping his shoulder with her own. 

"Yeah, something like that. You know, I'm not sure about asking him to move in now, I’m not sure he’s quite ready for that,” he pondered, his disappointment clear. 

“Well, give it time, I’m sure it will work out,” she reassured. 

David appeared in the doorway, "Rox .... Will you come to bed? I'm going up…." His voice was gentle, pleading even. 

"I'm coming," she nodded. 

"Good," he sighed, relief written across his face. 

"Goodnight John," 

“Goodnight Rox,” 

"I'm sorry Rox…,” David could be heard saying as they trailed off into the distance. 

****

When Roxanna arrived home Henrik had been clearing up in the kitchen. From a distance, he watched her as she wearily slipped her sandals from her feet. He was relieved that she had returned; he'd been concerned about how long she'd been gone but he hadn't said anything, it wasn't his place. He was about to offer her a drink but David appeared and started to take the days frustrations out on her. 

When she came into the kitchen she seemed on edge, the long day maybe or the onslaught from David as soon as she came through the door? She looked so vulnerable at that moment, so small and fragile to him but still beautiful. She was barefoot, and wearing a floaty skirt and a baby blue cotton blouse, her blonde hair grazed her bare shoulders, now bronzed and freckled from the sun. He ached to comfort her, to wrap his arms around her and protect her from the world but he had forfeited all his rights to that. 

He anticipated her moves and passed her a wine glass, but she had hardly registered him, why would she? As he passed her the glass he couldn’t help but let his fingers linger on hers. Then her green eyes flashed at him briefly and then she was gone. 

When she returned to the sitting room later and told David the plans Henrik had been proud of her. But then he watched helplessly as her shoulders dropped in disappointment when her husband rebuffed her idea and he was angry with David for doing that to her. Roxanna had been right to throw it back in David's face and he had no qualms telling him so. 

Now Henrik was standing at the kitchen sink again listening to John and Roxanna’s conversation on the veranda through the kitchen window. John had hardly spoken to him all day. He had returned from his run and went straight to the shower, refusing Henrik’s breakfast and insisting he would make his own. Then David received the call from the hotel and the rest of the day was focused on that, leaving little or no time for matters of the heart. Henrik was glad of the distraction, he was getting tired of John’s pushiness, of his need for more. Henrik wasn’t sure he wanted to give anymore, he didn’t think he could. The occasional drunken sexual encounter in the dead of the night was one thing, a public relationship was something else. He’d never considered John to be needy before; John had always been so independent, never having had the opportunity to lean on anyone, but this week had revealed something different in John. John was needy for Henrik’s attention and Henrik was not ready for it. 

He listened to Roxanna speak about her research. He was glad she seemed to have rediscovered it but he was jealous when she asked John to take a look at it; he would have looked at it for her if she had asked. He was equally as competent as John. 

_ "Fun? Henrik? Are you serious?" _ Henrik frowned and silently scoffed at this. Because John was the most fun-loving person he knew!

_ "You missing your man?”  _ Henrik stopped in his tracks when he heard this, cursing as a plate slipped through his fingers and clattered into the sink. He leaned in a little closer towards the window so he could hear better. So John had told Roxanna that he had a ‘man’? Henrik gulped as anxiety grew in his stomach.  _ What man? Was John talking about him? Had John told Roxanna about him? _ Henrik clenched his jaw, the anxiety tumbling into anger at the thought of John revealing to Roxanna, of all people, that he had done…...God knows what….with John!  _ Or maybe John was talking about someone else? Did John have another man? Was John seeing someone else behind his back. _ Jealousy set in at the thought of John being so brazen to do that to him.  _ To cheat on him?  _

Then the next bit came, _“you know, I'm not sure about asking him to move in now, I’m not sure he’s quite ready for that.”_ _MOVE IN? Move into where? With whom? With him? John wanted Henrik to move in with him?_ No, that was simply not going to happen. Henrik could not do that. John needed to understand this before things got out of hand. 

Henrik retrieved the plate from the sink and placed it on the draining board then reached for a towel to dry his hands. He heard David’s voice in the hall and then he watched as the couple disappeared up the stairs, David’s arm slipping so neatly around Roxanna’s tiny waist. 

Then, without hesitation he made his way out onto the veranda. 

“Have you told Roxanna about us?” It was a whisper but there was nothing subtle about the tone of the question. Henrik was mad and John knew it. 

“No…!” John said as he turned his nose up at the sight of Henrik. He was still fed up with Henrik from this morning. 

“I heard you John,” Henrik accused as he pointed his finger at him. “You better not ….”

“Heard what?” John cocked his head arrogantly and lent back on the sofa. 

“You told her about  _ your man… _ .”

John smiled, “so what if I did. What’s it got to do with you?” He was enjoying watching Henrik squirm. 

“If you’ve told Roxaxnna about us, then....then….” he growled through gritted teeth. He was desperately trying not to raise his voice but he was failing terribly. 

“Then what, Henrik?” 

“I told you I wasn't ready for all this John! I thought we had an understanding?” 

John was losing his cool now too, “an understanding? What, that you get to have me when you feel like it and then drop me like hot coals when you don’t? That i’m good enough for a fuck but not good enough to be called your partner? Is it that kind of understanding Henrik, because it is from where I’m standing.” 

“It’s not like that…..” Henrik trailed off. John was right, it was exactly like that. 

John drained his glass and placed it down firmly on the table, “I'm going to bed,” he said as he stood. 

“John….” Henrik said, forcefully. 

“Don’t worry Henrik, I won’t disturb you, you’ve made it quite clear where you stand,” he was standing in front of Henrik now and he looked him in the eye, “but just for the record Henrik, I haven’t told Roxanna about us,” he jabbed him hard in the chest causing Henrik to stumble backwards, “but I did tell her that I was seeing  _ someone  _ and that I thought it was serious  _ and _ that it made me  _ so bloody happy _ but I should have known it wouldn’t last.” He was on the verge of tears but he wasn’t going to cry in front of Henrik. 

“John, please…..?” 

It was too late. John had gone and Henrik was left standing alone on the veranda with just the crickets for company and the sound of the crashing of the waves in the distance. 


	9. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday, the penultimate day of John and Henrik's trip and also the day of David's charity ball. The day starts off bad for Henrik as he wakes with the ultimate hangover and it doesn't seem to get much better as the day turns into evening. Henrik and John's feud continues and Henrik's jealousy is aroused as John flirts with someone else. Then an unforeseen event occurs and unexpectedly puts Henrik in a place he has longed to be. But history rears its ugly head when Henrik learns of what could have been all those years ago. Will history be repeated or can Henrik eventually find his happy ever after?

When Henrik woke the next morning it was almost noon. It had been around five when he had eventually fallen into bed after spending the rest of the night brooding with only a bottle of whiskey for company. He’d spent time flicking through the television channels until the broadcasters had signed off for the night, then he'd wandered into the kitchen absentmindedly opening cupboard doors and drawers, flicking through a bunch of old utility bills belonging to ‘Mr & Mrs D.Hopkins’. 

How had it come to this? With John, he had an opportunity to be happy, to be loved. Why was he pushing him away? Then there was Roxanna. He was concerned about her, she didn’t seem happy. Was that down to him? Was he the route cause of all the misery in this world? He felt as if he was. The quicker this ‘holiday’ was over the better. He could get back to doing what he did best, burying his head in the sand, or in his case, work. 

When he eventually came downstairs he found the house deserted. He gulped down a couple of paracetamols and a glass of water and headed out to the beach to find the others. 

From his position on the road he witnessed a hive of activity on the beach in front of him; tables and chairs were being carried and put into position, a stage had been built and an army of volunteers were marching back and forth carrying an endless stream of supplies. 

He picked John out, shorts on and shirt off, no doubt sans suncream, Henrik mused. John and another man were carrying a table between them. When they reached their destination they set the table up and John perched himself on the edge of it, arms folded across his torso, biceps on show for all. He was laughing at something the other man was saying, throwing his head back like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, a wide grin across his face, eyes flirting. Henrik took in the other man; clad in a pair of cut-off denims and a yellow string vest, his skin the colour of walnut. He was obviously some sort of bodybuilder type judging by the size of his rippling muscles. Henrik looked on as the man started to play fight, John squaring up to him, both still laughing whilst jabbing one another. Henrik felt a twinge of something, jealousy perhaps, as he watched them through his sunglasses. After a while John and his ‘friend’ were joined by a group of other men, friends of the body builder’s presumably and John set off with them across the beach. 

As his eyes scanned the beach he saw Roxanna, a clipboard and pen in hand directing a group of women who were setting up floral decorations. She’d have made a very good event organiser Henrik thought to himself; she really did look the part, all she needed was one of those headsets and she was there. David wasn’t far away, he was talking to Lennie in what appeared to be the catering quarter, a huge barbecue had been set up alongside stainless steel catering units, barrels of beer and crates of wine were being brought down from a nearby van by a team of workers. How on earth had Roxanna managed to sort this all out at such short notice? His eyes moved back to her where she was now putting chairs around the tables that John and his crew had put out. He sighed deeply, feeling groggier now than he had when he had first woken. He could easily slip back to his room and spend the rest of the day sleeping or reading. In fact he would be  _ more than happy  _ to do that. His head was thumping and his mouth felt like sandpaper. He took a swig of water from his bottle and it was then that he heard his name being called. It was David beaming at him and beckoning at him to come down. He gave a limp wave back and trudged across the sand. 

*****

The evening had gone well for the charity but Henrik couldn’t wait for it to be over. David had given a funny and charismatic speech and had dragged a reluctant Roxanna up onto the stage to thank his “beautiful wife” for all her efforts and she had smiled dutifully but it was plain to see that she was uncomfortable in the limelight and at the earliest opportunity she had scuttled back to the safety of her seat. 

David had seated the four of them on different tables, their fellow table guests handpicked to tease the best conversation. Henrik had been placed on a table of well-to-do expats with pockets deeper than the designer swimming pools on their inherited plantations. He smiled politely as he listened to the elderly woman sitting next to him telling him about her fourth divorce, glancing over at John who was sitting on the adjacent table appearing to be engrossed in conversations with Roxanna's boss, the formidable Mr Thomas. Henrik had taken an instant dislike to him the minute Roxanna had introduced them earlier in the evening. John on the other hand seemed to be engrossed in what the old man had to say. 

Henrik was still perturbed by his quarrel with John last night. John had avoided Henrik all day, hardly saying a word to him and avoiding eye contact at every opportunity. Henrik knew he was in the wrong but he would never admit to it. He _ had _ been treating John like a play thing. He  _ had _ used him for his own carnal needs and had no qualms about throwing him aside once he’d had his fill. But if that was the case, why had he felt so jealous this afternoon when John was flirting with another man? If he didn’t want John then why did it matter? He should be happy to let someone else take up the reins. He drained his glass for the upteenth time tonight, this holiday was making him drink more alcohol than he had in a long time. If he wasn't careful he would fall down the dark hole of alcoholism he had faced on several occasions before and each time John had been the one to pull him out. It was remembering the care that John had bestowed on him that made him stand up and walk over to John’s table, gently placing his hand on John’s shoulder and whispering in the other man’s ear, “I'm getting a drink John, do you want one?” It was meant as an act of peace. 

John, taken aback, spun round startled, “no, thank you!” he snapped and shrugged his shoulder, causing Henrik’s arm to limply fall by his side. He wasn’t ready to let Henrik off the hook just yet. He turned his back towards Henrik and resumed his conversation with Mr Thomas. Affronted Henrik watched as a smirk formed across Mr Thomas’s face, obviously finding the situation highly amusing. God knows what John had told him; whatever it was, Henrik disliked the older man even more than he had done before. 

So John was still pissed off with him then, he mused as he slunk over to the make-shift bar. Well, if that’s how he wanted to play it, that was just fine with Henrik, he didn’t want John anyway! “Whiskey please,” he asked of the bartender, “a large one, no ice.” 

With the drink firmly in his hands he turned round and lent against the bar, his eyes scanning the beach for Roxanna. He found her in amongst a group of guests listening intently and sipping champagne from a tall glass. She was wearing the same blue dress she had worn the other night to the restaurant. He felt a surge of longing for her. 

Where John was rough, Roxanna was gentle. Where John was immoral, Roxanna was pure. But John was available and Roxanna wasn’t. The problem was it just made her all the more irresistible. 

Suddenly he was jolted back to the present by an almighty crash and then shouts for help. His eyes followed to where the sound of the commotion was coming from, the catering corner where a crowd had gathered. Next David was running over there, closely followed by Roxanna and then John. Henrik made his way over and through the crowd to find Lennie collapsed on the sand, David and John knelt next to him delivering CPR. 

*****

Lennie had suffered a sudden cardiac arrest. Luckily for him he had been surrounded by a number of medics whose quick reactions had undoubtedly saved his life. He wasn’t out of danger yet though and he had been whisked off to hospital in an ambulance accompanied by David. John had gone too, insistent that David would need his help. Henrik had suspected it was more about feeding John’s ego and being ‘the hero of the hour’ rather than any thought for Lennie or David. 

The party finished up pretty soon after that and guests began to drift away whilst the staff started to pack up. Roxanna had stayed on to help and Henrik had joined in too stacking chairs and folding down tables. After a while he noticed she had disappeared and after asking round, he was pointed in the direction of a rocky area on a secluded part of the beach. 

“You okay?” He shouted to her. 

She looked up, instantly recognising the owner of the voice and his unmistakable silhouette.

“Yes, I'm fine,” she sniffed, brushing away a tear from her cheek in the hope that he wouldn’t notice. 

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to a vacant rock next to her. 

“What? Oh yes,” she said absentmindedly, gazing out to the ocean. 

Henrik followed her gaze ,“Lennie will be okay you know,” he reassured as he sat down next to her. “He’s in good hands with David.” 

Roxanna turned her head to look at him, “yes, I know he is,” she sighed, “but I can’t help blaming myself.” She shook her head, “if I hadn’t have asked Lennie to help us out tonight then this might not have happened. I put too much pressure on him,” her voice trembled. 

“Now come on Roxanna, you know that’s not true. It could’ve happened anywhere, at any time.”

“You don’t know that,” she sobbed, searching the pockets of her dress for a tissue. 

“Here,” he said, holding out a perfectly squared and pressed handkerchief, the initials ‘HH’ expertly stitched on one of the corners. “It's clean,” he joked, letting out a little laugh. 

“Thanks,” she replied, trying to smile at his little joke but failing miserably. Tears poured out of her, her shoulders shuddering with the effort and there was nothing she could do to stop it. This wasn’t just about Lennie, these were tears that had been bubbling up inside of her for some time, tears which she had fought but could no longer hold back. She held the handkerchief to her mouth in an attempt to muffle the cries but it didn't help that the scent of it was overwhelmingly Eau De Henrik. 

Without a thought Henrik wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him. She went with it and rested her head on his chest, her body fitting perfectly into his. He felt her body shaking, the wetness from her tears dampening his shirt and the more she cried, the tighter he held her. Every ounce of his being wanted to shield and protect her from any further harm and as the tears abated he leant down and placed a kiss on the top of her head, allowing his lips to linger for a moment, taking in the flowery scent of her hair. 

She relished the tightness of his grip, the softness of his shirt against her cheek, the scent of him. She felt safe, she felt cherished and it was as if the troubles she had been crying about just moments ago were a distant memory and she had found her happy place; the contentment she so earnestly desired was found in the arms of Henrik Hanssen. Roxanna looked at him, partly to ascertain if he felt the same; the softness of his gaze led her to believe that he did. At that moment, it was impossible to know who had made the first move; their lips were upon each other, tender and soft, Roxanna’s small frame wrapped in his arms, her own arms clutching onto his shirt pulling his body closer to her. She tasted the whiskey on his breath, his clean shaven skin brushing against her cheek. Eager for more she thrust her tongue into his welcoming mouth, and they danced around each other’s mouth, lightly at first as they reacquainted themselves, then passionately as they gained confidence with each other. Henrik’s hand slid around her body, tentatively pausing for a second on the mound of her breast before rising higher and cupping her face, eager to have her as close as possible. She went with it and allowed her hands to explore the contours of his chest over his shirt, brushing the bud of his nipple to be rewarded by his grip tightening, his kisses growing in fervour. She was lost in a fantasy, a magical moment she had dreamt about and it was overwhelming but as quick as it had started, it was over; thoughts of David swam in her head and then she was pushing Henrik away.

"Stop, stop Henrik,” she said, pushing him backwards, “I'm sorry….. I can't," she was on her feet, her hands clasped against her mouth as if in shock. 

He looked up at her breathless, equally startled but also expectant of this reaction, "I'm sorry….I'm sorry…." 

"Why did you come here Henrik?" She demanded, her tone desperate and accusing. 

"I…..we were invited…..."

"You didn't have to come!” She snapped, “ you could have said no…. made up an excuse." 

"I…." She was right. 

"You being here," she cried, " I just….I can't deal with it," she sank down back onto the rock her emotions defeating her. 

There was silence as they both considered their actions and the situation they had found themselves in, then Henrik said clearly, "I'm sorry,you're right, I shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake." He had always known it was a mistake for himself, but now it was clear to him how much it had been a mistake for Roxanna. 

"I had an abortion you know," it fell from her mouth like she had lost control of her voice, she did not know why she had said it; to hurt him like he had hurt her? To shame him? Both probably, but more likely because she could keep it to herself no longer..

"What…..?" He faltered, not sure of what she was telling him. 

"After the wedding...at about fourteen weeks." 

"The wedding?" his brain was working overtime. 

" _My_ wedding… _to David_....;" she spat, how dare he forget, how dare he pretend he didn't think about it, " _we…_ _the night before….you remember?"_

"Yes, of course I remember,” he mumbled. He had not intended it to come out like that but the words were caught in his throat, his mouth not able to keep up with his brain. An image flashed before him, of their naked bodies entwined on the floor of his hotel room. “Was it, was it…..?” he stuttered. 

"Was it yours?" She finished for him calmly. "I don't know. I’ll never know," 

"Does...does David know?" Henrik gulped. 

"No, he doesn't." She hung her head in shame. "I went back to the UK on my own to have it done," 

"Scotland?" 

She turned to look at him, jolted by his words," _ you knew?" _

"David….When you were out yesterday, he told me that you had left him for a while and that you had gone to Scotland." She nodded in response; so that period of their life had been on her husband's mind too, old wounds never fully healed. 

“Why Scotland?” he said, clearing his throat. 

"I have an aunt who lives near Edinburgh, I went to stay with her." It was the truth but perhaps not the whole truth. 

"Right," he said, looking away from her and out to the ocean; so it wasn't because of him. 

She continued to look at him, was that disappointment? "I knew you were in Edinburgh too," she offered. 

"But you didn't contact me?" It wasn't said maliciously, more resignation. 

She turned to look away from him now, and pursed her lips in thought. Eventually she said, "I waited outside the hospital for you…....” 

_ She thought back to the moment, shivering involuntarily at the thought of the cold wind that had whipped around her as she sat huddled on a bench opposite the main entrance of the Royal Infirmary, waiting for him for hours, an endless stream of rehearsed conversations whirling around in her head. By the time he had appeared from the building darkness had set in and rain had soaked her to skin. She watched him as he stopped for a moment, taking refuge under the perspex roof of the entrance area to button up his black mackintosh raincoat, struggling to hold on to his briefcase at the same time as turning his collar up. She had stood up, intending to advance towards him, but her feet were fixed to the ground. She thought he had seen her, his attention moving from his buttons to her position across the road, but within seconds he had looked away and was setting off on foot across the car park, his head down, eyes fixed on the ground. Rain….or tears blurred her vision and any resolve she had had to speak to him had ebbed away. If she had really wanted to she could have caught up with him but she did not. She did not know why, but pride no doubt played a part, that and the thought of having to deal with rejection again.  _

“But then…. I changed my mind.” She took in a deep breath, willing herself not to cry and attempting to justify her actions, to herself more than anything, she went on, “you wouldn't have wanted me turning up like that and anyway I couldn't have guaranteed the baby was yours.” 

“It wouldn’t have mattered,” it was almost inaudible but she heard it and it broke her heart just a little bit more.

“Besides, I had made my choice. I'd married David and that was that." 

He gulped away a lump forming in his throat, hardly able to form words. 

"Anyway, it doesn't matter now, I shouldn’t have mentioned it...." 

The silence resumed and she shifted in her seat as if to get up but before she did he blurted it out, “come to London with me." He had shocked himself with his own words, but the seriousness of his gaze and the tone of his voice belied any doubt he was feeling. 

“What?” She replied breathlessly, taken aback.

“Come back with me…..” There was an urgency in his voice, he had to get it out before he changed his mind or indeed, before she changed her mind. He reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder firmly as if to confirm his intent. 

"No….." she stuttered, “no, Henrik, I can't….”

"You can...it doesn't have to be London, it can be anywhere you want…."

“No! I won’t.” She stood up, eager to get away from him, “I need to get home…..” her back was towards him now and she was making her way back up the beach, her shoes in hand. 

“Roxanna….” He started after her, but soon changed his mind, his feet stalling in the sand. What was the point? She had said no. He closed his eyes, thinking about her words. Pregnant, his baby? If only….if only she had spoken to him…..if only. 

He turned to watch as she made her way onto the esplanade. He’d promised David that he would make sure she got home safely. It was the least he could do in the circumstances so he set off to catch up with her. 

****

They stood on the roadside waiting for their taxi, Roxanna’s arms folded across her chest, her back towards him refusing to make any eye contact. The atmosphere had remained the same during the taxi ride, Henrik riding up front and Roxanna in the back. The window was open and the breeze ran through her hair as the car sped along, every bump in the road causing her head to swim and her stomach to churn. London, with Henrik, wasn’t it everything she had ever wanted? But he was pitying her surely, words of a man with a guilty conscience, he couldn't have meant it and she was the one who had kissed him first ….or had he kissed her? Anyway what did it matter? She spun her wedding ring around her finger, she was shameful, kissing another man whilst her beloved husband was working hard to save their friend's life She was despicable. 

When the taxi arrived outside the home, she climbed out first, and headed up the steps desperate to be away from him but before she reached the front door, he was calling her name. 

“Roxanna……please…...wait,” he was climbing out of the vehicle, stuffing his wallet back into his pocket. 

She paused on the steps, deciding on whether or not to turn to look at him, but before she had made up her mind he was on the step behind her, “please just wait,” he came up beside her so she had no choice but to look at him. 

“I love you…..” it flowed from his mouth and it was heartfelt. She knew it was true. Her shoulders dropped, as she stared into his eyes, unconsciously biting her lip. She loved him too but what was the point in saying it is back? It didn’t change anything. 

“Henrik....” she stuttered, as the words caught in her throat. 

He waited breathlessly, in anticipation, gripping the handrail for support. 

“Henrik….I…” she wasn’t sure what she was going to say. 

“Yes…..?” He said hopefully urging her on as he stared intently at her, “Roxanna…..?

“I...I…….,” 

But her words were halted by the sound of the front door opening and the sight of John peering down at them from his elevated position on the threshold. Henrik closed his eyes and hung his head in despair, pursing his lips, knowing only too well that what could have been a pivotal moment had gone. To add insult to injury, he doubted that it would ever present itself again.


	10. Friday Night/Saturday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays don't last forever and this one is drawing to a close. Memories have been made but not all will be fondly remembered. The final day brings revelations that will shape the lives of the cryptic squad for ever more.

The silence that hung in the air was deafening, even the crickets had paused their evening song to observe the scene playing out in front of them. 

Roxanna could hear the blood thumping in her ears as she stared up at John like a rabbit caught in headlights. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Henrik deflate against the railings. 

“John….” she gasped, not expecting anyone to be home just yet. From his position at the top of the steps he seemed to tower over them and she felt his blue eyes boring into her. “I didn’t know you’d be back so soon" she stuttered. "Is David back?” she nervously made her way up the steps, a dark cloud of guilt closing in around her. When she came face to face with John he blocked her path but then seemed to think better of it and let her through.

“No, he’s still at the hospital,” he frowned, “Lennie’s in a bad way, David’s had to take him into surgery,” 

“Oh,” Roxanna sighed, her gaze dropping. 

Henrik appeared in the doorway and the three of them stood in an awkward silence for a few moments. Roxanna glanced at Henrik. The look of resignation on her face told him it was all over. Any hope he was still holding onto dissolved in that moment. He didn't trust himself to look at her anymore so he turned his attention to John. "Have you been back long?"

"Not long," John replied, his focus still on Roxanna. 

“I think, I’ll go to bed,” Roxanna sighed. "David usually stays the night at the hospital when he has late surgery, he won't want to leave until Lennie wakes." She knew she was babbling, she was overcompensating to make things appear natural but this was far from natural. "Well, goodnight then,” she said quickly and, without looking at them, scuttled up the stairs. 

“Night Rox,” offered John as he turned his attention to Henrik. 

  
Henrik cleared his throat, “goodnight,” he said slipping his shoes off. 

When she had gone John headed towards the kitchen, Henrik remaining behind looking forlornly up at the staircase. Within seconds John was in the hall again holding a bottle of whiskey and 2 tumblers.

“Drink Henrik,” 

Henrik shook his head feigning weariness, “oh, I think I’ll just head up to bed as well John….” The only thing he wanted to do was to curl up in his bed and die. 

“It wasn't a question Henrik, it was an instruction,” John replied curtly. 

“John,” he protested. He wasn’t in any mood for any of John’s games. “Honestly, i’m tired…..” 

“It’s the least you can do, don’t you think?”

“What?” Was John still intent on waging war over their petty disagreement? 

John spun on his heels and headed for the back veranda, confident that Henrik would follow and just as expected Henrik marched after him. When he got out onto the veranda John was liberally pouring the amber liquid into the glasses. 

“Really John, I can’t drink anymore tonigh…….”

“I saw the two of you,” John accused. 

Henrik froze and eyed John, fearing his words but desperate not to show it. Was he being oversensitive? Probably, there was no way John could know what had happened between Roxanna and himself. But then again, perhaps he had heard their conversation in front of the house just now. 

“Nothing to say Henrik?” John asked arrogantly.

“I’m not sure I understand…..?” it was feigned innocence. 

“I saw you kissing her on the beach,” 

Henrik’s breath caught in his throat, “No, you must have been mistaken,” 

“Oh come on Henrik,” John replied angrily, “don’t give me that! I saw you! I SAW YOU, YOU BASTARD!” 

“No, John,” Henrik was shaking his head “No,….you're mistaken.” 

“I SAW YOU!” he shouted, standing up and jabbing his finger at Henrik. 

The look in John’s eyes was wild and Henrik found it disconcerting. “John….look…..now listen to me,” he said, trying to placate him. He reached out and touched John lightly on the shoulder, “Roxanna was upset about Lennie…...I was just comforting her….”

“Oh, don’t give me that Henrik!” John spat, pulling away from Henrik’s grasp and taking the whiskey bottle from the table, “you were kissing her!” He took a swig from the bottle, “your hands were all over her...and _she_ ….” he trailed off, so disgusted he couldn’t bring himself to call Roxanna by her name. 

“No,” Henrik protested. 

“Stop! Stop this lying!” John exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, “can’t you just be truthful for once in your life?” 

“Okay…..okay…..,” He tried to sound sincere, “yes, okay...maybe I did kiss her, _BUT_ it meant nothing, it was a mistake, it was all my fault, I was drunk….” 

“I came back to apologise to YOU Henrik! I thought _I_ had been the one who was out of order for giving you a hard time all day!” His lips quivered as the anger turned to sorrow.. 

“John....” 

“I was going to ask you to move in with me!” He wiped a tear from his eye and sunk down onto the chair. 

John was weeping because of him, “I’m sorry…”

Within seconds John was on his feet again, jabbing at Henrik’s chest, wildness in his eyes, “NO Henrik, you’re NOT sorry. You've never cared about _me!”_ His nostrils were flaring as the words frothed from his mouth, “it’s always been _her_ hasn't it! _It’s always been her ……._ and _she_ …..well, she’s just as bad as you! No, worse in fact... _she’s married!”_

It was only a matter of time before David was mentioned _._ Henrik was certain that Roxanna wouldn't want David to know what had gone on. “John.... you can’t tell David about this," he pleaded. "It meant nothing! _Really_ , it was a silly mistake....” 

“David?” John scoffed, “you think i’m going to tell David?" He was manically laughing now. "That's exactly what you want isn't it! You want me to do the dirty work of telling David and then you and _her_ can run off into the sunset with each other! Well I won’t do it, I won’t give you the satisfaction! And anyway, _she’s_ quite capable of ruining her own marriage all by herself.” The angrier he was becoming, the louder he was getting.

They were on the veranda and Henrik was conscious that David could come back at any time. He didn't want Roxanna to hear either. “John, you need to keep your voice down!” he said through gritted teeth. 

“How dare you tell _me_ what to do!! You have absolutely NO right to tell me what to do, not now, not ever.” he grabbed the bottle of whiskey and started for the door but Henrik moved to block his way.

“Wait,” Henrik said, holding his arm out as a barrier. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say but he wasn’t ready for this to finish and he was afraid of what John might do next. Then without any notice John’s hands were upon him, John's fist tightening round Henrik’s neck and he felt himself being thrown against the wall of the house. Despite the height difference John was in his face, his teeth bared. “John…” Henrik croaked, as the fingers around his throat tightened, his hands instinctively reaching up to tear John off him but John was stronger. 

“You WILL regret this Henrik. You WILL regret the choice you have made. Now stay away from me!” With that he released his grip and Henrik, gasping for breath and clutching his throat slumped to the ground. Taking the bottle with him, John disappeared into the house and Henrik listened to his footsteps on the stairs and then the slam of the bedroom door. 

**** 

_Saturday Morning_

Roxanna woke with a start, her head throbbing, her eyes bruised and puffy from crying herself to sleep. Guilt and dread washed over her and she tentatively looked to see if David was next to her but the space was empty. It was a relief; it gave her more time to compose herself and work out what she was going to do, but at that moment she was not ready to figure anything out and she pulled the sheet back over her head and drifted back to sleep. 

An hour later she was awake again but the broken sleep had done nothing to make her feel better. She lay listening to the eerie silence of the house. Was everyone else still in bed?. Surely David should be back by now? A thought filled her with dread; she couldn’t handle David and Henrik politely chatting over breakfast. In fact it made her stomach hurl and she leapt up from the bed and crossed the hall to the bathroom just in time to vomit the contents of her stomach down the toilet. Last night's seafood kebab mixed with copious amounts of champagne and rum punch, curdled and acrid. It was a disgusting mix of over indulgence. She slammed the lid down and flushed the evidence of the whole sordid affair down the drain before staggering up and throwing herself into a cold shower. 

***

The shower had done the trick, she felt refreshed and much more composed than before. She was sitting at her dressing table looking at her reflection in the mirror, her hair wet and slicked back off her face, it was shoulder length and had been for sometime. She wished she had the confidence to cut it all off into a short pixie style but she didn’t have the courage, not yet. She examined the fine lines that had started to develop around her eyes and across her forehead; she had her mother’s fair skin, although these days it had a permanent tan. Her skin was not designed for this kind of climate, the blazing sun was taking its toll despite her efforts to resist its powers with daily applications of sunscreen. She was almost thirty years old, she was an intelligent woman who should be in control of her life. It was time to take back that control, to do what was right even if it meant somebody was going to get hurt. 

By the time she came downstairs David was coming through the front door. 

“Hey babe,” he sighed as he stood in the hallway and pulled off his running shoes, “I’m absolutely knackered.”

Roxanna looked on at her husband. As innocent, as the day was long, not a clue that anything was any different. What she was about to tell him would change everything; she knew it was a gamble but she had to do it. She pursed her lips together in an effort to fend off the emotion bubbling inside, it was too late to back out now, it needed to be said. 

“Make me a coffee, will you?” He said casually as he followed her into the kitchen and sat himself on the counter top. 

“How’s Lennie?” Roxanna asked as she filled the kettle at the sink. 

“Well, lets just say he’s very lucky to have a heart surgeon as a friend who is willing to stay up all night for him because he was in a bad way.,” 

“He’ll be alright then?” she busied herself with the cups, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact with him. 

“Yes, he’ll be okay. Any idea what’s up with John and Henrik?” 

The sound of Henrik’s name echoed in her ears and she threw her concentration into counting the spoonfuls of coffee, “no?” 

“I just took them both to the airport and the atmosphere between them was incredible, like a bomb waiting to go off!” 

“So they _have_ left?” she’d thought as much from the fact the house was so empty. “But I thought their flight wasn’t until tonight?” 

“It’s not. When I got home earlier John was flapping around trying to call a cab. Said he needed to get on an earlier flight, that he had to get back for work. I told him that there _are no_ earlier flights, but he was insistent so I gave them both a lift. Sorry, I thought you said your goodbyes last night?”

“No…,” she knew she sounded disappointed.

“Sorry babe….”

She cut him off, “David, we need to talk.” 

“Mmm” he said, absentmindedly as he walked off into the hallway. 

She followed him and said it firmly this time, “we need to talk,”

He started for the stairs, “what? Can’t we talk later, I just want to have a shower and go to bed for a few hours,”

“I’m sorry but it needs to be now,” if it was left until later she would change her mind. 

“Okay?” he said reluctantly “go on then, what is it?” 

She took a deep breath, the moment was now: “it's about Henrik….and I.”

She couldn’t work out if the look on his face was shock or expectation. The words that followed told her all she needed to know. 

He looked her straight in the eye, “Roxanna, are you leaving me?”

****

_Two weeks later_

It had been two weeks since Henrik and John had returned to London and they hadn’t seen each other since John sped off in a black cab from outside the arrivals hall at Gatwick. John had hardly said a word to him the whole journey back, apart from, “fuck off” when Henrik had offered to buy him a coffee. 

Henrik had called John’s office on a daily basis and left messages for him but they were never returned. He’d also dropped by John’s flat on a few occasions but to no avail. He wasn't so deluded as to think they could fall back into the same ‘arrangement’ that they had before their trip; he didn’t think he wanted that anyway, or rather he couldn’t handle the baggage that came with it. All he wanted was a chance to give John a proper apology. He would have liked to salvage something of their friendship too; he had enjoyed the time they had spent rekindling their friendship, before it had all become too complicated. 

He had just finished surgery and made his way to his shared office hoping to find it unoccupied. He picked up the phone and dialled John’s office only to be greeted by the same secretary he had spoken to each day for the past week. 

“Can I speak to Mr Gaskell please?”

“I’m sorry Mr Gaskell no longer works at this hospital.”

He was taken aback, “Oh, I see….right, thank you,” 

“Bye then,”

“Could tell me which hospital Mr Gaskell has moved to? We’ve been working on a project together and I’d like to keep him updated. My name is Mr Hanssen, I’m a Consultant at…..?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to give out that information.”

“Of course. Thank you. Goodbye.” He replaced the receiver in the cradle and pursed his lips together. That was that then, John had gone without a word. What else should he have expected? He had treated his friend with contempt, and he deserved nothing less. 

****

Henrik had worked late that day, after all what else was there to do? There was no one at home waiting for him. He had taken the Tube home and had stopped at the mini supermarket near his apartment to pick up a frozen lasagne for one and a bottle of red. It was medicinal he told himself, it would help him sleep if nothing else. 

As he stepped through the door of his one bedroom apartment he reached down and picked up the post, threw it onto the side table and headed to the kitchen to make his supper. It was only later when he took his empty plate back into the kitchen that he decided to sift through his post. There were the usual bills but one particular letter stood out. It was the stamp he noticed first with its tropical palm tree and sunset. The envelope was cream with his name and address written in the most exquisite handwriting. He knew who it was from without even opening it. 

He refilled his glass and took the letter back to the sitting room and sat himself down in the armchair next to the fire that he had lit earlier. He sat for a moment considering whether to open it. He doubted that it would contain anything life changing. But then again…Retrieving the letter opener from his desk he carefully sliced the envelope open and took out the letter: 

_Dear Henrik_

_You must believe me when I say that writing this letter is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, however it is necessary in order to save my marriage._

_The day you left Trinidad I told David about our kiss on the beach. I told him it was an error of judgement on both our parts, fuelled by too much alcohol and that we both deeply regretted it. To my shame, I refrained from telling him about our previous misdemeanour or about the termination; the past is the past, and in this instance, it does not bear any relevance on the present or the future._

_It would be wrong of me to deny my feelings for you. Only you know how deep those feelings go because I believe they are mutual. But your presence in Trinidad has given me the opportunity to review those feelings and there is no doubt in my mind that any feelings I have for you, pale into insignificance compared to my commitment to my marriage. My husband is my present and my future, this I want you to understand._

_David and I have decided to try for a family. It will seal our future and I cannot let anything jeopardise this. I therefore ask that you do not contact David or I, from herein._

_I am deeply sorry that it has to be this way. Please be assured that this course of action is borne out of my own insecurities rather than a lack of trust in you._

_You are the most loyal person I know, and therefore I know you will respect my wishes._

_Please take care of yourself Henrik._

_Yours_

_Roxanna_

When he had finished reading the letter he threw it straight into the fire. Just as he had expected, nothing life changing. Roxanna had made the right choice. She was much too good for him.

He drained his glass and put out the fire. He should go to bed, he had an early shift in the morning. 

  
  


Epilogue 

It was years before Henrik saw any of his friends again. 

A week after returning to London John resigned from his job and found another position at a hospital in Japan. He'd received Henrik’s messages but had chosen to ignore them. He'd learnt his lesson; he'd allowed himself to become distracted by the thought that someone could love him and he'd had his fingers burnt. Never again would he let his guard down in such a way. Now the work was all that mattered. Of course there were some minor indiscretions, one night stands here and there to flatter his ego, to satisfy his physical needs but that was it. There would never be another Henrik. 

Most of the time thoughts of Henrik were stored away in a far flung part of his brain. He had trained himself to do this, just like he had done with the painful memories of his childhood. But sometimes, usually when it was late and he was alone he would allow himself to think about Henrik. His feelings towards the man would not stay sour for long, they were too deep to just be abandoned. Henrik was the love of his life and he would return to him at some point but not just yet. The time needed to be right; there were too many distractions for Henrik at the moment but their time would come, John was certain of it. 

****

John called David occasionally, just to check in on his achievements; hearing how well David was doing pushed John even further with his own work. Any mentions of Roxanna though were limited on John's part. The resentment he held for her scared him. Roxanna may have unwittingly given him the basis of his life's work but she had also stolen from him the only thing he had ever wanted. The only thing he had ever loved. That he could never forgive. His hatred for her would eat away at him over the years and the consequences of which would eventually be devastating. It would tear apart the last shreds of what was left of the squad. 

****

The baby never came for Roxanna and David, despite a significant amount of effort and money thrown at the cause. Roxanna secretly blamed the infertility on her earlier termination but when tests revealed David was actually the one with the problem she knew then, that the baby she had terminated all those years ago had belonged to Henrik. 

Disappointment after disappointment ground the couple down and their relationship was suffering as a consequence so they agreed to draw a line under it, focusing on each other and their work instead. Promotion and the prospect of a fresh start in Cape Town came and gave them the opportunity to move on; Roxanna gained a clinical position and for David an academic opportunity arose. The change rejuvenated their marriage and on the whole, they were happy. 

****

Henrik of course worked harder and harder, climbing the career ladder and found that management suited him. He found he had a ruthlessness that was perfect for a job where the ability to make decisions about budget cuts and making people redundant were essential. Feelings and emotions played no part in these decisions and if life had taught him anything so far, it was that feelings were a weakness. They led to heartbreak and therefore the best thing to do was to make oneself immune. 

His skill as a troubleshooter did not go unnoticed and eventually he was headhunted by the board of a struggling NHS Trust in the South West of England who required the leadership of someone who could make drastic decisions. Henrik accepted the role, sold his London apartment and headed for Holby and the rest they say, is history. 


End file.
